I had a dream that I planted the most delicious fruit(some kind of spikey lychee) but it got so big I couldn't reach high enough to harvest it. I felt an immense amount of guilt. The lack of control over my responsibility. Fruitflies galore from unmanaged fruit. Being punished for it somehow because my family punished me over nonsensical things, simply for the joy of of abusing and controlling me. To the point I was trained to automatically control myself without them needing to punish me anymore.

I had to keep the entire house so neat and tidy that it made me want to scream everyday. Or else punishment for not being a good servant. I wasn't allowed hobbies, and if they let me do anything I liked, it was to keep me more on edge because they would go "see you can't handle this. Now we're taking it away forever. You will never be allowed again. Also you're being punished for not keeping a picture perfect job at this thing we gave you the PRIVILEGE of doing!"

I think this is about my need to escape my old programming. I love the idea of planting fruit trees. However I can't get over fear of lack of control over how big and fruitful they may get. I would like to stop feeling guilty. I love plants and homegrown food and I'd like to let go of control over how big plants can get. And let go of the possibility of some excess rotting food. Just let it happen, you know?

    • HexaSnoot [none/use name]
      ·
      23 days ago

      We brew, but not wine or brandy. My boyfriend makes kombucha. He lets room-temperature black tea brew with the bacteria(scoby). Then he bottles it with a lil blob of fruit smoothie so the tea's culture eats well and carbonates. It's delicious. We prefer it as more of a carbonated vinegary juice, but if you leave it for long enough the yeast dies and it becomes increasingly alcoholic.

      This means I can be lazy and not bother to juice. I can just brew using smoothies.

      Why, do you brew?

      • SoyViking [he/him]
        ·
        22 days ago

        I would like to brew if I had lots of fruit and time to drink wine.

        I used to brew beer when I was younger. That was a very good time.