Folks, this is it.

After more than six months on Wellbutrin, being the unfocused mess I've always been, and being treated like a criminal and/or child by the most condescending, inconsiderate psychiatrist I've ever had the displeasure of seeing, I decided to say fuck it and find another professional.

For six months, I've been made to wait by my health insurance provider for an ADHD test that never came. I'm on a mysterious waiting list that moves forward at a pace that is known only to the Nether Gods and in all likelihood I'll never get to do this test anyways. All of this because apparently a psychiatrist does not have the authority to say "hey, I think you have ADHD, let's try a first-line treatment and see if it works for you." Silly me, thinking a psychiatrist would be able to diagnose a psychiatric disorder.

Well, my new psychiatrist decided to try a new approach: I've been on Lithium before, because a GP thought I might be bipolar. It didn't work, because... I'm not bipolar. So let's try ADHD medicine and if it works, then, well... in all likelihood, I truly do have ADHD.

Folks, it seems I do have ADHD. Vyvanse (actually Lisvenx, same medication, different name) works a treat. A goddamn treat, I say.

Yesterday felt like the first day of the rest of my life. Cheesy cliché, I know, but holy fucking shit it feels like an entirely new world has been opened to me. I taught five lessons without feeling like I was going to fall asleep for even a single moment. My mind is focused, and my internal monologue is only one audio track instead of four.

I have energy, I don't feel my eyes trying to shut on their own. I can simply get up and fucking do things. Easy things are easy to do. Difficult things are difficult to do for the correct reasons. I defeated the Fromsoft ADHD field boss: I folded all my laundry and put it away.

How did I spend more than 30 years of my life not feeling like this? How many opportunities did I lose, how many things did I abandon because I felt like I wasn't capable of doing them, not because of my lack of competence, but rather because there was an invisible wall of inability between me and even the simplest task? I now realize how much of a fucking legit disability ADHD is.

This is only my second day on this medication so I'm afraid that things might not always be like this from now on. I'm afraid that this effect may only be an initial honeymoon phase and I'll eventually go back to how I was before. If that ever does happen, though, I'll know that that disorganized mess of a human being is not all that I can be.

I can be better. There is hope.

This has been a life-changing experience for sure, and I hope that every single person who needs ADHD medication does get the opportunity to at least try it once, if only to realize that a better life is, in fact, possible.

  • PaX [comrade/them, they/them]
    ·
    11 days ago

    Am soooo glad you found something that seems to be working for you meow-hug

    In addition to all the other replies I just wanna say, cuz this is something I also worried about when I started, that I've been on Vyvance for a little over a month and I still get the ADHD-helping effects quite strongly lol. It varies ofc depending on how well I've been treating myself, like getting enough sleep and exercise, eating well, etc

    I don't feel like that... tingly, mood-lifting, stim-high feeling* as much but I'm still so surprised by how well I can focus on stuff now. The side effects (like me slightly chewing holes in my mouth the first few days wtf lol) were kinda scaring me but they mostly disappeared, especially after I quit caffeine which I had been using excessively for many years (one of the worst drugs imo, you maybe get like 2 hrs of anxious energy out of it on a good day in exchange for never sleeping well). For so many years I had just accepted my brain was just totally cooked forever and I was destined to just be tired and spaced out most of the time. Okay though, tbh, it doesn't always mean I'm focusing on what I should lmao, but I can when/if I need to now (a lot of this energy has ended up going into projects lol). Also I have a control over eating that would have seemed impossible to me 2 months ago, for years I struggled with binge eating but now I can prepare a meal of an appropriate size, eat it, and then just... stop when it's enough, consciously, and I'm already losing weight. Similarly to your experience, it took me a while, years in my case, to get diagnosed and then medicated by finding a doctor who actually listens to me and isn't just mean. I have also been misdiagnosed as bipolar lol, by someone who wasn't even qualified to do it and after I had already been diagnosed with ADHD

    Idk, maybe I'm still in this "honeymoon phase" too but it feels... sustained so maybe this rly is just how it is :3

    Also that "stimulants can bring out your autism more" thing is real lol. Idk if I'm just noticing it more or if it's actually """"worse"""" now but yeh hehe, I actually like it cuz I've been so out of touch with my feelings and masking behaviors for many years

    Also also, I'm sure you're good but pls make sure to stay on top of your needs cuz I have this ability now to just push through things like being hungry or thirsty or tired even when I should take a break and address them. Idk if that's what it's like for "normals" but... yeh. Is good, even if you're working on some task, to just take a break and chill and listen to and address your needs like our comrade @ReadFanon@hexbear.net said or you will crash rly hard lol, as happened to me a few times

    *:

    cw: drug abuse (by definition I guess)

    Obviously I DONUT encourage this and advise great caution and not doing this until you're on the meds for a while and have figured out how they affect you consistently or even ever but.........

    I'm pretty sure I could get that feeling back as strongly if I wanted to and made a hedonistic recreation day out of this one day by taking a double dose, then skipping the next couple of days lol

    Gotta say though, my desire to use drugs for fun and background-pain-radiation-relief is lower than it's been in a long time since going on Vyvance cuz I feel like the world isn't as(emphasis) completely overwhelming