CW Rant with some discussion of familial trauma, religion, mention of substance use
I drove over 6 hours to see them and be present for the holidays and they went out of their way to cross my boundaries and make me uncomfortable. I didn’t want to be rude when they put me on the spot so I read the verses they wanted to humor them, but then they asked me to lead a fuckin prayer. They are aware I’m an atheist and resent that fact; I try to respect their beliefs but they push theirs onto me like this. I said a short prayer to get out of this whole situation and my mom started crying and smiling huge like I was just converted. Feel so weird and gross about this. They roped my partner into participating too and they’re of the same mind as me on these things so it made us both uncomfortable and anxious.
This incident was just icing on the cake of a trip full of my emotionally abusive mother starting constant arguments, my family trying to get me to drink knowing I’m sober, and being around my siblings one of whom is I’ll just say an abusive shithead. I don’t think I’ll bother going next year. I recall vividly why I was hyped to move out and why I don’t call more often. The neglect, manipulation, and abuse of years in that household all came flowing back. No wonder i deal with so much mental health shit lol
Edit: sorry if initial phrasing doesn’t convey the reason the prayer got me but it’s because I left Christianity due to the institutional abuses I experienced and witnessed, not just because I’m not religious these days. I just got put on the spot and due to family history went fight or flight and compromised my needs to get out of there asap. Really just needed to vent abt this didn’t want to spark confusion or debate sorry
Sorry for the rant just wanted to vent to my cool internet stranger friends
I dropped out of uni and moved back in with them when I was 18, then when I moved out again they helped me get a car. So I feel on some level like I owe them for that. This is only my second year of holidays without living under their roof so I suppose I’m figuring out how to set these boundaries by experience
You'll feel a lot better when you set those boundaries but it took me many years after moving out to do it. I let my parents push me around for years with emotional manipulation and constant guilt tripping until one day i actually told them how they made me feel... The intention was to get them to see my perspective but what happened was my mum had a massive meltdown and went fully into denial then decided to flip it around and make me the problem lol so i gave them the middle finger and haven't spoken to them in 2 years.
The part that hurt the most was my dad telling me he now likes my mum again after i went because he and i quote "doesn't have to see her being mean to me"....
Upside is the chronic anxiety i had since I was like 7 just up and vanished as if i never had it to begin with
It takes time for sure. Just be sure to set them. I never did with my father and I eventually had to tell him to fuck off. Honestly, if you were a more confrontational person (which it doesn't seem like you are since you allowed this to happen), I would've just outright told them no on the spot. Or something like that. I only have advice for confrontational people since I am one. I don't care for dancing around issues over the course of months. Sorry :\
You know it’s funny I’m normally not averse to confrontation if a friend, stranger, whatever does some fuck shit. But I can’t w my parents sometimes just bc of trauma around it. But that’s more to talk abt with my therapist not hexbear lol. Ty for your supportive comments and thoughts though I appreciate that