A friend of mine (or so I thought a friend) was definitely one. The dude wreaked havoc in my life and is in prison currently I believe. Any time I got involved with him my life ended up smoldering.

How about you guys? I feel like people here are more real and honest than on Reddit, I appreciate you all and much love.

  • RowPin [they/them]
    ·
    3 years ago

    These aren't all entirely sociopaths, but I thought it would be interesting to be thorough. Some of this may be triggering.

    The first was a group of polyamorous pedophiliac transgender women. (I'm not joking: don't ban me, please!) This was a solely online "relationship", and in fairness, only one 24y/o (I was 13-14) was the main one I interacted with. (Although we get in to the question of who is worse: the one who commits wrongs or those who abides them?) She was physically repulsive, though generally nice to me; I don't recall any moments of being pressured, and yes, I was often told I was mature for my age. I actually was, in some ways, so this obviously worked well on me. The most prominent trait I remember of her is that she, literally, would take a lighter to her pubes to burn them.

    This was early enough in my development that I can't trace any particular habit back to this. The other transgender women were overage (I believe one was 17, perhaps), but I never interacted sexually with them; they were very much the annoying moe-types, as all of us were. ^^ glomps u :3-types. The 24y/o I did interact sexually with, and sent nudes back & forth with. Something else that sticks with me of this time, however, is that the pedophile always assured me I was beautiful, whereas another female friend at the time told me that I should stop worrying about my looks, because it was statistically unlikely for me, or anyone, to look like a model anyway.

    Which I will say, as a writer, makes for something interesting -- the 'obviously' traumatic thing doesn't appear traumatic, whereas a backhandedly comforting comment sticks with me worse years after. (As an aside on pedophiles, I actually love Woody Allen's Manhattan: if you look up the ending scene, it's perfectly in-line with how pedophiles act. It's also a great film, to boot; Ike's bad writing & self-loathing narcissism make much more sense by knowing you should hate the main character.)

    But, eventually that relationship rode its inertia to its end, as many things in life do. At 16, I was attending a local LGBT+ youth group when I developed a crush on two trans men there; the latter of whom was homeless before he moved in with the other, who was underage. (Subsequently, he lived with his mom.) The first one, "J", we'll say, threatened to once beat the shit out of me. I don't remember why, but it was over Facebook, so, really.

    The second one was definitely sociopathic, as we later found out that he was wanted in another state for filming himself torturing animals & shit. He hung salamanders from his ears like earrings, we once watched Harry Potter together (again, I was 16) while cuddling, and he had some angry outburst at me & locked himself in the bathroom because he was, literally, so I remember it, on his period. I don't say that to be sexist, but I simply don't remember any other reason for it.

    Other than that, I only found out about it weeks after I stopped seeing him, and it mostly just made me uncomfortable whenever he showed up to LGBT+ youth group meetings until the organizers banned him. I had a dream recently where he stabbed me, though I ironically never saw him with a weapon.

    I've also dated three women with borderline personality disorder, which a neurologist friend tells me may be rolled in to its own form of sociopathy in the next DSM; but he is always quite unreliable.

    The first was a transgender woman who accused me of rape and ruined my online reputation/friendships, most of whom immediately believed it: we had never met in person, and I was nothing but cordial in online sexual aspects. (I asked for consent and if she was comfortable very often.) To this day, I'm quite sensitive to uncorroborated rape accusations, even as most unfortunately turn out true.

    Another woman, when I went to visit her in another state far from home, abandoned me on a street corner for 2 hours and later claimed I was sexually abusive to her because I would sometimes turn her head towards me to kiss her. I don't remember doing that, but I'm not a forceful person by nature, so obviously simply asking me not to do that would have sufficed. Perhaps some of it was a fear of abandonment on my part, so I reassured myself by kissing her? I'm not sure. You know, memory is a series of archipelagos connected by miles of thin, dark-brown tether. Don't ask why dark-brown comes to mind, it simply does.

    She's still popular in her online sphere, I believe, and also did not pay for my return ticket when she asked me to leave the night I found out she had posted this accusation online. That, I think, informs a lot of my skepticism towards LGBT+ communities and why I don't hold any special regards towards certain identities; lesbians are often romanticized as soft & feminine lovers, yet they have similar domestic abuse rates to men.

    There was then a 3rd woman, again with BPD; I was skeptical, but she promised me she was seeing a therapist for it and that it was treated. Well, she would continually cancel dates on me, and eventually accused me of pressuring her -- although I will say it was pretty funny when she haughtily messages me "I can't even begin to explain how fucking manipulative you are. (...) So, I do not want to see you in the near future, and perhaps after you've apologized, I'll think over allowing you back in my life." and I, accustomed prick that I am, simply immediately roll my eyes & block her.

    But, to be fair, I do think I acted passive-aggressively after she cancelled a date an hour beforehand, and I shouldn't have done that. I still have some anger issues, but they are always internal; I know not to say things I'll regret after. I should note, also, that before anyone accuses me of "if you smell shit everywhere, check your shoe" -- I've been with several other women before and many of them say I'm one of the nicest persons they've been with. (Including the one who accused me of rape!)

    My wife certainly agrees. (And for a final point of interest: she despises all the above people far worse than I do, to where she will still talk unprompted about how much she hates that "strawhaired cunt who left you on a street corner". I think it's because, aside from the first one, I chose all of the above people to be in my life, whereas she vicariously just ended up with them: it's a roll with somewhat loaded chances, and in her case it was weighted with lead.)