Not a therapist but a good therapist would probably do some free association with you to figure out what your unconscious is trying to communicate. This isn't something you can do by yourself. Maybe you could do a zoom session with a Lacanian therapist or ask one of your friends to look into free association and then help you out?

We can't tell you what your unconscious is trying to say because words mean different things to different people. Pouring your heart out to a good shrink will probably help you understand what the fuck is going on.