I don't mean to unnecessarily gender this discussion. Gender here doesn't matter. But I'm going to use gendered words as they fit the context. I want everyone's opinion.

My dad died from bronchial cancer two days before my 12th birthday. I had to learn how to be a 'man' from my ill mother.

What I want to know is, if you had to import some wisdom to preteen me, about the fundamentals of life, what would it be?

I've barely learned to shave (and prefer a beard anyway). What can you teach me Hexbear?

I'm 32 by the way. I'm just curious.

  • mathemachristian [he/him]
    ·
    8 months ago

    Gonna tell you what I would tell my preteen self:

    Take cast-iron stuff if you can get it shy away from Teflon

    Take care of your hair so you don't bald prematurely. If you're balding face it and adjust accordingly. Also take care of your teeth dumbass you only get the one set, be fucking glad your dental substance was so strong. Imbecile.

    Don't be hard on yourself for the stuff caused by your depression.

    This ones about my ADD. Make morning and evening rituals that take care of your daily chores as well as carve out time for mindfulness and sports. Make a default weekly plan as a base, adjust it to the needs of the upcoming week every weekend. Oh also you have ADD get checked.

    Its OK to fail. Those who matter won't mind and those who mind don't matter. This extends to social interactions and being awkward.

    Don't offer unsolicited advice unless you have a clear goal in mind that you know your advice will help towards and that you know the other person might not have considered and that the other person is open for advice. Basically have a really high bar that needs to be cleared before you offer advice. This will most likely exclude any situation you personally hadn't been confronted with or have exceptional expertise in.

    Solidarity is almost always welcome though. Even if its just acknowledging that what someone is going through sucks or is unfair and sometimes that's all you will be able to do. If someone shares their burden with you that's a distinguishing honour, don't make them look for ways to alleviate your feeling of helplessness.

    CW for sexism

    If you cant even be a friend to a girl dont expect her to become your girlfriend. Women are people too nothing any more or less mysterious or magical about them than men. From this follows that its OK to love them in a romantic and sexual way. You're not "defiling" them.

    "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" extends to sex (in an abstract manner obviously not the specific practice you like "being done unto you")