I’m attracted to specific presentations and stuff and it feels really shallow and objectifying, I kinda hate my own attraction to women tbh

Just wanted to say I've was in this exact spot for years and ended up very withdrawn from the idea of relationships out of fear that I would hurt people. It took a good amount of therapy and a lot of personal introspection to unpack why I felt so negative about myself. But one of the best things my therapist said to me was; "Everything you've described to me sounds like normal feelings of attraction. I don't think you're a creep, you actually seem pretty considerate."

So I'll repeat that here. I can't help but think you're being extremely considerate about how other people might view your feelings of attraction to them. And as long as that comes through in a positive way (e.g. ask if you can put your arm around a girl when you're on a first date with her) then I can't imagine why someone would genuinely feel offended at that. They might have notions of toxic masculinity ("ew why would they ask and not just be more subtle about it"), but ultimately that's not something I want in a relationship anyways.