I'm posting this in askchapo instead of mentalhealth because I really want to hear other people's opinions.

I have an office job and it's pretty easy. I can pretty much leave (sneak out) whenever I want and not get caught, I get along with the people who I work with (most of the time) and I make a pretty good wage relative to how much and how hard I work.

But I fucking hate it. I'm trans and I'm at a point in my life where I don't think I can live in the closet much longer. I struggle to get out of bed most mornings and I contemplate killing myself a lot lately. I'm not allowed very much freedom of expression in how I dress and act at work. My bosses are transphobic and I get harassed by one of them just for having long hair. My mental health has dropped significantly in the past few months and I need to move on.

The problem is what I have to sacrifice in order to leave. I don't have a college degree and the jobs within a reasonable distance of where I live are mostly retail or fast food, so I'll have to take a significant pay cut unless I somehow manage to find a job that pays about as much I do now that also allows me to just be myself. I have a lot of money saved up but I need to use that for my transition and surgeries and such.

I feel trapped and I guess I just want someone to give me permission to leave. My family doesn't really understand just how much of a drain having to put on this act so they're not that supportive of me quitting. They give me the spiel about "we just want you to be happy" but they also think I should just tough it out until I get a degree. I don't really know what to do.

  • prismaTK
    ·
    1 year ago

    deleted by creator

  • Phish [he/him, any]
    ·
    4 years ago

    First of all, don't kill yourself. If that's a serious consideration right now you should seek help. None of this is worth ending your life over.

    Bottom line is that this job isn't sustainable for you. I mean I can't promise you'll find a job that makes you happy, I sure as hell never have, but you can at least find one where your boss isn't a complete bigot. If they're not even giving you benefits then it's not a huge sacrifice. That place is unhealthy and it's making you miserable, you're going to need to leave it eventually no matter what.

    I think you know in your heart that it's time to try and change your situation. Maybe hang onto the job while you look for something better or work towards a degree, but you should start trying to get out of there ASAP, you're too good for them.

  • Wmill [they/them, fae/faer]
    ·
    4 years ago

    Your safety and well being is most important I say. If you come out and get fired at least you will have unemployment I think so that will buy some time. I fear if you continue living like this the dark thoughts will come and you gonna end up harming yourself. At least with coming out you can ease some of that inner pain and sorry once again you have shitty bosses and job :meow-hug: I really hope things work out for you and sorry if I can't give smart advice rn.