I do this by default when trying to establish relationships with people and my track record is not good.
Though believe it or not, sometimes it does not turn people away!
i don't know but the weird thing is when i stopped doing it i'm so distant and bland my track record is even worse than when i came on too strong
which sounds like something somebody with trauma would say so i'm going with a firm probably
Part of the problem is that you could do everything exactly right without any trauma responses and it's still miserable to try and establish adult friendships
Maybe this is a cis thing, I feel like I'm instant friends and have known each other for years with other trans people
When people say "how are you" I actually answer the question
All my emotional shit happens in broad view of everyone
Just trying to find someone else like that who also likes me
All my emotional shit happens in broad view of everyone
OK so if you didn’t lose your P R O D U C T I V I T Y while not sober, I feel like life quality would greatly improve. Because the only time people don’t seem to care about emotional shit happening in front of everyone is when everyone else is faded
well just stop doing that then. nobody who's asking "how are you" actually wants to know how you're doing, it's literally just the american english way of saying "hello"
Death to America
I'm pretty sure it is. At least it is for me. I don't know how to talk about stuff at an appropriate level sometimes (autism and ADHD don't help LMAO) and so I've got a problem of too much or too little sharing.
I've had somebody reach out and think they were helping me by giving me a chance to open up, but when I did, they got really uncomfortable and then I felt like I was trauma dumping.
It's like a faucet sometimes. Sometimes nothing comes out. Sometimes everything. But I'm very judicious about it these days so I'm just set to 'locked in.'
Isn't it super cool when you put people off by repeatedly expressing how grateful you are that they opted to talk to you and what a great person they are
And then you get to feel embarrassed for being so effusive! Who needs emotional regulation anyway?
It is such crap that actually feeling your feelings that way is so stigmatised...
🥲
And it’s such an easy problem to solve in theory (find people like you), but I’m starting to think finding people like “you” is harder when you’re different from the average
Hm, almost like there would be less people different from a majority "average"
I have had to look a really long time to find anyone remotely similar to me which is annoying af
it probably doesn’t help that I pretend I am average (oh shit another defense mechanism)
Oh yeah,
people shouldn't have to do that, ideally! I gave it up myself, I barely mask anymore!
For me it definitely was, I spent seven years in a deep depression and tried to hide it from everyone as long as possible, so when I got back on my feet and got accepted to a university I decided that I would be open about everything I went through to help normalize mental health problems and maybe give someone some needed perspective
The problem was that after growing up quite introverted and then spending the first half of my twenties locked up in my apartment afraid of social situations I went from one extreme to the other and ended up trauma dumping on anyone who showed any interest in talking to me, and wishing they'd accept me with all my problems and be my friend, because I was afraid to be alone any longer
I felt like I had to open up about everything and tell my every flaw just to make sure that the other person accepted me as is and wouldn't have to waste time to get to know me just to be disappointed
On the upside, I gained a group of friends with similar pasts and got couple of people to reconsider their situation
That was the thing that actually helped me, the friends gave me a healthy outlet for my emotions and also the confidence that I wouldn't be alone once again even if the next person I met wasn't going to be my next best (and only) friend
Recovery takes time and learning, but as you said, not everyone turns away
It probably gets better and easier over time, but even if it doesn't, you already have people in your life who accept you as you are, and you can be sure that they know exactly where you stand and they choose to stand by you
I mean this is what every trans person does so yeah probably
Cool thing is we all do it so we know what to expect, the hive mind is real
I mean yeah it is very common to dump your backstory almost immediately on meeting another trans person
I have the issue where I try to be friendly or whatever and peoples eyes just glaze over and rarely actually want to get to know me. I'd say the emotion is more inside for me.
I would say something very similar. At all times, there’s a complete disconnect between the way I express my feelings and how I feel internally-Like the emotion parts of me inside are on overdrive at all times but appear to be completely stalled from the outside
Fuck. Is it neurodivergence again
I think it might be time to start a neurodivergent support discord or something 🥴
I’ve been making it a point to not think about anything involving neurodivergence because I‘ve never been professionally diagnosed and have fears I might become some type of self-fulfilling prophecy, but if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck…
I'd say so, I'm autistic and also have quite a bit of trauma so it's hard um for people to see the real you. A lot is obviously going on internally but outward people see like a calm face or whatever and don't see the real you so to speak. I'm also an empath as in I feel too much which people don't understand so much too. I reverberate if someone in the room is upset for example.. I'd get agitated along with someone and so on and so on.. I think the neurodiverse com here is quiet but there's a few of us knocking around, I'm sure it would be a good place to post in as discords and such can also be hard to run but that's just a suggestion.
