The Chapo.Chat moderators have already stated that they're planning on removing the hard-coded slur filter from their instance of Lemmy; it's the reason you're not able to say the full text of ACAB. It's just a bad idea to have something like this hard-coded in, leftist instances are created by fostering a good culture and not by babying the people who run these servers and if we want Lemmy to grow as an actual federated alternative to Reddit then it's worth bringing up how bad this policy is by the original developers.
The thing is, it bothers me when someone says they're OK with slurs and just uses it and tries painting those who take issue with those slurs as themselves being bigoted somehow for not wanting those words used around them. I don't want to be called the r slur, I don't like people normalizing that word because it leads to others like me being called that word.
If you find being asked to not use a word patronizing, then don't use the word. While you might be irritated, it's a lot worse for those targeted by those words who don't take as nonchalant an attitude towards the word. Someone else autistic that's OK with the r slur that gets upset about being asked to not use it doesn't invalidate my own discomfort with that word.
Honestly, if that was your response to good faith criticism, it was probably for the best that you didn't remain. The alternative is relitigating why X word is bad every time someone wants to argue that a harmful word is OK because you're part of the group it targets.
lol, I love being patronized. you read a ton into that that I didn't think let alone write.