My husband is a NEET and I’m very fortunate that my career pays enough that we don’t need him to contribute financially. He’s tried out a variety of careers and I’ve supported them, but inevitably he runs into some difficulty and quits within a few months.

I really don’t care that he doesn’t work and actually prefer it that way because my anxiety is very bad and I don’t have a lot of capacity for self-care.

Both of our families think it’s a problem that he doesn’t work, and obviously society looks down on it. My husband just told me that he has trouble sleeping because he can’t stop beating himself up when he’s alone with his thoughts.

Our arrangement has been that he cooks 6 meals a week (we eat 1 meal for both lunch and dinner) and we’ve tried implementing a cleaning schedule so it doesn’t get out of control, but he’s been too depressed to do pretty much any cleaning and wants to do delivery at least every other day. I’ll admit that I really don’t pull my weight with household chores, so I really don’t push these issues a lot because I can’t demand he do something that I’m not willing to do.

He spends all day playing video games, which is what I do in the weekends so I don’t think it’s like horrible, but it’s hard to get him to prioritize responsibilities over his game.

I want to be supportive, I don’t expect him to be a servant, I want him to contribute a fair amount to the state of the apartment and meals and I feel like it’s not possible for him right now because his self-esteem is so low. I also just want him to not feel ashamed of our situation even though I know it’s difficult because people are very judgmental about it.

I’ve asked him to talk to a therapist, but outside of that, what do you guys do to feel good about yourselves in a world that makes it so difficult?

  • GalaxyBrain [they/them]
    ·
    3 years ago

    NEET is kind of a weird term cause it covers a lot of people. I got laid off for covid and have been able to ride EI for a year and a half, most of my technically NEET friends fly a sign and scam disability for money all of us are dirty links who spend that time playing music, doing mutual aid and doing drugs.

    Being able to operate as a single income is actually pretty cool but where you are handling the money side I don't think it's too much to expect them to handle the household side of things for the most part. I really enjoy cooking especially for a partner, making a good meal is like most of the game I have.

    Sometimes also just making yourself not do the things you're used to can help. If you're playing video games, force yourself to do something else instead, sometimes it goes nowhere and you're just bored or go on a walk and sometimes you come up with something. I cut off internet for a year a while ago by just not paying the bill and getting out for a while made me re-evaluate online. All this stuff is just toys and we can't spend all of our time playing with toys

      • GalaxyBrain [they/them]
        ·
        3 years ago

        You probably don't. It's not the hardest to get on where I am, but you need an under the table side hustle to survive. It covers rent and then about $100 per month and maxes at $700/month. Rent is rarely less than $800 here

        • quarantine_man [none/use name]
          ·
          3 years ago

          It's the same here . It would still be better than nothing, and is more money than I've ever got by working (even though rent is even more expensive here)

            • quarantine_man [none/use name]
              ·
              3 years ago

              any ideas on how hard it is to get on disability for mental health reasons? I'll probably try anyway, but hoping to hear that someone has been successful that way

              • GalaxyBrain [they/them]
                ·
                3 years ago

                I'm not totally sure. I know one person who got on it for BPD but I hate guts and from what I've heard she basically used the testimony of all of her co-workers hating her to the point she felt like she couldn't work. Frankly that's just doing the rest of the workforce a favor. She brought clinically psychopath crackhead to our house when she knew his ex was visiting which led to him stalking me and my roommate and bricking our windows, she then got our landlord's number and tried to get us evicted by pretending to be a neighbor and finally called the SPCA in some attempt to get our animals taken, so my only experience is with a very solid case for someone who can't society.

                    • Mardoniush [she/her]
                      ·
                      3 years ago

                      Even if she does improve, you dont have to re-engage with her or care about her (beyond basic abstract humanity).

                      She made her choices, and no doubt should have gotten proper treatment earlier. She fucked around, she found out, she has to live with who she is/was.

            • quarantine_man [none/use name]
              ·
              3 years ago

              I think they actually won't give disability to addicts here :|

              It’s not the hardest to get on where I am

              where is that btw?

              • GalaxyBrain [they/them]
                ·
                3 years ago

                Nova Scotia Canada. So yeah, if you're American you probably have a way shittier welfare system..

                  • GalaxyBrain [they/them]
                    ·
                    3 years ago

                    I can imagine BC being harsher on addicts to try to curb a well earned reputation. A lot of people come out here to get clean cause heroin is nearly impossible to find here, pills are super expensive as well. Not much meth either, it's mostly a crackdown and the crack fucking sucks.