You are a serf. Bitch, you live in Alsace. You are a peasant. You need to give your fuckin' lord the grain. Your fucking children, you've had 15 children. You've never taken a bath. You've literally never. washed. your. penis. You've never used toilet paper. Motherfucker, you have worms. You are dying. You've had 40 children, 3 of them are alive. 2 of them are child soldiers in the Duke's army.

Bitch, the greatest thing you can hope for is to die at the old age of 36. You fucking can't read. You don't know what TV is. If you were transported into today, you would be the worst gamer of all time. You don't know shit. You literally probably don't even know what the direction 'left' is. I'm sure some Medieval guy is gonna get mad at me for this, bitch I've been to the Renaissance Fair. I've eaten a large turkey wing, which the Juggalos call 'bitch beaters', which I think is problematic but a funny thing to call them.

Motherfucker, you gotta recognize where you are, and then you gotta get past that. You gotta be unemotional. You can't sink into this hole. You live in the oubliette. Your job is to crawl up the ladder, motherfucker. You live in the HOLE. You're in the HOLE. You are a RAT. And the rat, when he's in the hole gets fucked. People only throw trash in the hole.

You need to eat a body. And you need to carry the plague. And you need to carry a plague around this whole world, that will change this whole fuckin world. And all your enemies will vomit black bile and will choke on blood and will grow boils and die. But only if you get together with your other RATS. And you come up with some kind of super plague, to fuckin end your enemies and...

End. This. Nightmare.

  • evilgiraffemonkey [he/him]
    ·
    4 years ago

    Info from pre agricultural humans is biased in a similar way due to something called "dental explosion". Essentially, you can tell how old someone is based on how grown their teeth are. But when they are 35 or so, their teeth don't grow anymore. So lots of times they find a body and age it as "35 or older" and then the "or older" part is lost at some point through retellings in the media.

    Also, medieval people bathed.

    • CenkUygurCamp [none/use name]
      ·
      4 years ago

      there was an actual decline in bathing but that was from 1500-1800. Doctors were declaring bath houses vectors for the plague, syphilis and everything else

      • evilgiraffemonkey [he/him]
        ·
        4 years ago

        Oh shit! TIL. I guess we should make fun of Early Moderns for not bathing then, not Medieval people