IDK how much i can/should say as an AFAB enby. Cis people usually just assume i'm a lesbian when i try to look masc :pain:
But anyway A few things
I can really feel the pain you felt when you wrote this and i just want to validate that. The way masc appearing people (men) are socialized is abhorrent, and it makes sense that a lot of people socialized as men struggle with loneliness, touch deprivation, and not feeling like they are truly seen. Humans are social creatures and we need each other, it's not feminine to be kind or be vulnerable or feel emotional. That's just human. Just like taking care of other people isn't masculine, that's just part of human nature.
I don’t see myself as a person anymore. Every time I look in the mirror, I don’t see me, when I imagine other people interacting with me it’s like imagining them interacting with a stranger
This sounds like depersonalization or dysphoria comrade. I've been through both and both feel really bad and make depression worse.
I wish I could be pretty, I wish I could wear cute outfits and makeup. I wish I could be genuinely excited over something stupid or trivial because it makes me happy.
You can do that even as a masc and if people think you're being creepy they're stuck in antiquated gender roles. I would not find men doing any of these things creepy, i would find them heartwarming and would offer them encouragement.
I hate that in dating and relationships, I’m supposed to make all the moves, pay for everything, be the strong one, and not rely on someone else for anything, even emotional support.
Agreed, it's bullshit and damaging and you're not being silly for feeling alienated by these rigid rules. Every human deserves care and love and support.
I don't have anything else to offer you than i feel like you should explore what makes you feel happy. That's not easy when society is telling you you must behave a certain way or get labeled as bad stuff, but people are going to talk anyway, and you should build the kind of life that makes you happy - not other people. I can't say if you're trans or not, that's only something you can figure out, and it's confusing! I really, sincerely hope for the best for you though and i'm sorry you had to go through so much without the support you needed.
That's fair comrade. As leftists we're used to being ahead of the curve on social issues and that includes gender norms. Even progressive libs don't really "get" nonbinary gender presentation. I hope you at least find what makes you happy privately with your own experimentation and find some more open minded online groups to gas you up when you explore how you feel rather than making you feel like it's not acceptable, because it's what everyone deserves. I know those things are easier said than done and it's not an easy journey by any stretch though.
IDK how much i can/should say as an AFAB enby. Cis people usually just assume i'm a lesbian when i try to look masc :pain:
But anyway A few things
I can really feel the pain you felt when you wrote this and i just want to validate that. The way masc appearing people (men) are socialized is abhorrent, and it makes sense that a lot of people socialized as men struggle with loneliness, touch deprivation, and not feeling like they are truly seen. Humans are social creatures and we need each other, it's not feminine to be kind or be vulnerable or feel emotional. That's just human. Just like taking care of other people isn't masculine, that's just part of human nature.
This sounds like depersonalization or dysphoria comrade. I've been through both and both feel really bad and make depression worse.
You can do that even as a masc and if people think you're being creepy they're stuck in antiquated gender roles. I would not find men doing any of these things creepy, i would find them heartwarming and would offer them encouragement.
Agreed, it's bullshit and damaging and you're not being silly for feeling alienated by these rigid rules. Every human deserves care and love and support.
I don't have anything else to offer you than i feel like you should explore what makes you feel happy. That's not easy when society is telling you you must behave a certain way or get labeled as bad stuff, but people are going to talk anyway, and you should build the kind of life that makes you happy - not other people. I can't say if you're trans or not, that's only something you can figure out, and it's confusing! I really, sincerely hope for the best for you though and i'm sorry you had to go through so much without the support you needed.
:meow-hug: :ancom-heart:
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That's fair comrade. As leftists we're used to being ahead of the curve on social issues and that includes gender norms. Even progressive libs don't really "get" nonbinary gender presentation. I hope you at least find what makes you happy privately with your own experimentation and find some more open minded online groups to gas you up when you explore how you feel rather than making you feel like it's not acceptable, because it's what everyone deserves. I know those things are easier said than done and it's not an easy journey by any stretch though.