For the first time in my life I'm actually comfortable, I know I can pay all my bills on time, I've eliminated most of my debt and if an emergency happens it would suck but I have enough saved it wouldn't crush me. I actually have enough money I can do things to improve my quality of life. I've had times in my life where I was homeless and years where the only food I could really afford was rice and beans. I'm just now realizing the scars they've left on me.
I still check dumpsters for salvageable furniture. I have trouble buying cloths aren't second hand or at least on clearance. I can't spend even $15 to see a movie more then once every two or three months. Even though everything is taken care of financially I can never let my self really relax. My wife who went through similar conditions still uses razor blades that are dull enough they cut her because she can't bring her self to spend $4 on on a new blade.
The scars are real and I doubt they'll go away any time soon. I'm sure some of my comrades here have gone through something similar but people who have never been through that level of poverty just can't seem to understand at all. Not sure why but I felt the need to express these feelings to people who actually can understand
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Not a bad way to look at it. I consider them scars because even though I'm not going through any of those situations any more they still negatively impact me.
Honestly, I had no idea any of the things you listed were necessarily signs of trauma as a result of poverty and now I feel poor as shit because I’ve done it for a long time lol
I think this idea that getting second hand things is a mark of poverty is a really harmful mentality to have in this day and age. Definitely buy new blades but why not use discarded furniture or thift store clothes? And movie ticket prices are insane, fuck that shit.
I get all of my appliances refurbished which is the best way to do it. The part about discarded furniture is nothing I have is really comfortable and most of it has stains or damage; there was a reason they were thrown out in the first place. I don't feel embarrassed about it but I have the money that if I shop smart I could actually have something I enjoy sitting in. I'll always shop clearance cause that's just smart, but I've gone through winter in a shitty coat for a couple years simply because I couldn't find one used that would fit. I'm not embarrassed to live the way I do but I could live much more comfortably if I could get over the idea that spending money on basic quality of life things wasn't frivolous.
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That good old work ethic that makes it hard to take break even when you need to.