• half_giraffe [comrade/them]
    ·
    3 years ago

    :drake-disapproves: "CPD Officer Shot in Chest by Wife, Also an Officer"

    :drake-approves: "CPD Officer Tactically Ascertains Hole in Chest Following Bullet Traveling at High Speed Through the Air in the Same Kitchen Where His Hand Discharge's on His Wife's Face"

    • eylligator2 [she/her,none/use name]
      ·
      3 years ago

      "His hand discharges" assumes a connection between the man, his hand and domestic violence. We need some more obfuscation. Have you tried "[...] where a hand appeared near an individual's face"?

      • half_giraffe [comrade/them]
        ·
        3 years ago

        Definitely an improvement, I am not a local reporter so my passive voice muscles aren't that trained