Make sure you don't have a hemorrhoid, if you do then sit your bare ass in some hot water (sitz bath) and then put some hemorrhoid cream on it after

Wash your penis, bucko

:jordan-eboy-peterson:

scratch :monke-beepboop:

you need to have someone eat it regularly

Dab a little gold bond in there and make sure the area's dry after bathing.

Pour some 99% IPA down your crack until you start to feel a burning sensation. That's how you know it's working.

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Sandpaper

powder

also thoroughly wash your butt with cold water+soap.

Are you talking about your ass falling asleep? Sit on a softer chair