Whether it is a male friend, my own family or my in-laws.
The single men are bad because their homes are disgusting and they have absolutely zero consideration for their guests. They never clean the floor, they don't clean any surfaces, there are loose shavings of hair clogging up the sink, the toilet is discoloured. Men would happily leave you on a sofa without a blanket or a pillow if you were staying the night, and if they even have any food in the house, they aren't likely to share it with you (this goes 10x over if the meal is breakfast).
Staying with my own family or my in-laws is bad because they are all WEIRD. No matter who I stay with, at least some of the following will apply:
- No washing up liquid for washing dishes
- Washing up liquid, but no sponge, or sponge is so old and disgusting it would do more harm than good to use it
- No toilet paper EVER
- Shit scratchy toilet paper that tears my asshole apart
- Bidet if there is one has water pressure of an incontinent elderly man pissing
- Weird last dregs of handsoap soaking in soap tray full of old soap water
- SHIT STAINS IN THE TOILET BOWL
- bogeys, blood, and spat out toothpaste in the sink
- if you are going to get a flat fucking sink where the water doesn't drain properly at least clean up after yourself when you blast your nose into the sink
- No soap at all
- No liquid pump soap
- No toothpaste, or toothpaste is weird, fluoride free or really watery
- TOOTHPASTE HAS CAP OFF
- No sugar, or even sweetener
- Not my brand of teabags
- Not my brand of instant coffee
- Instant coffee that tastes like piss because it has been kept in a loose coffee pot with a spoon propping it open so now it has oxidised
- Shit biscuits
- What the fucking fuck are DARK CHOCOLATE milk digestives?
- No milk, or it is semi-skimmed or there is only soy milk or almond milk
- Seriously why even use semi-skimmed, just use water at this point you freaks
- stop buying lactofree you're not lactose intolerant you're shitting because you drink coffee in the morning
- There is NEVER ANY BUTTER
- A million different brands of margerine
- BUT ALWAYS UNSALTED
- Shit bread, if there is any, usually thin slices of wholemeal
- At this point I am convinced that I alone in this god forsaken country am responsible for propping up the dairy industry
- No olive oil, or if there is it's because I bought it when I lived there and now it is rancid anyway BECAUSE YOU LEFT IT OUT IN THE SUN FOR MONTHS
- Sauces that should be in the cupboard are in the fridge
- Sauces that should be in the fridge are in the cupboard
- OPEN JARS OF MAYO IN THE CUPBOARD
- No lids on ANYTHING
- Everything in the cupboards is years out of date
- A million different knives, but none of them are sharp and there is no knife sharpener
- Glass cutting board
- Weird kettle which has only been descaled once (while I was living there)
- Mouldy washing machine
- Mouldy shower curtain
- Used bar of soap for showering
- No towels
- No hand towels so I can never dry my hands
- No microwave
- I went to the bathroom and there were bogies in the sink AGAIN
- not even in the sink this time, but on the surface beside the tap
A lot of this shit applies to every workplace I have ever had the displeasure of visiting as well. Apparently nobody in this country uses whole milk, nobody uses sugar or sweetener, and everyone's favourite flavour of coffee is piss. My in-laws will actually help themselves to several teaspoons of piss coffee for the kick, meanwhile I, the good coffee appreciater, physically start to gag when I drink it. One time I had an exam while I was staying with them at 7.30am in the morning and this was all there was. My own good coffee had been opened, mixed into the shit coffee, and left with the lid off. For some reason my coffee tin was then filled with soup or something and put in the fridge, where it remains ONE YEAR LATER.
I will continue to update this list as more and more things continue to piss me off.
Update:
My thirteenth reason why is the claustrophic shower with no labels that I just nearly boiled myself alive in. Also, people keep opening the milk and putting it back in the fridge but on its side so it spills everywhere?
No milk, or it is semi-skimmed or there is only soy milk or almond milk
There is NEVER ANY BUTTER
You'd hate my place (
)Some of these are silly points, like them not having your brand of teabags(i got a teabag for ya)
but the rest is just that the people you know are gross. This does sound kinda like one of my closest friends house, where i lived for a few years. It's now been 4 years since i moved out from there and he added a dog(he had one when i lived there), and apparently I was the one thing keeping that house from being fuckin disgusting, He's the kind of psycho who will say "cats shit in the house!" but his dog literally pisses on the floor when a person walks in, and now his house smells like shit because he never ever cleans. I was stopping by to watch his dogs one time and i vacuumed because there were mounds of dog hair piled up. It's insane. Motherfucker needs to open all the windows for about 4 days. And yes, he's a single man and if that changes then i might have a heart attack from shock.
dawg I think your friend there is having some sort of issues of the mental health kind
oh for sure. i know he has had depression and was taking meds for it though i think he stopped at some point. His mom is diagnosed with depression and his mom's grandma literally just stopped eating and died after her husband left her(although when that happened it was like the 1930s so depression didnt exist outside of the economy)
Funnily when I stay at peoples homes I get annoyed when they roll the red carpet out too much. No I don't need to sleep in your bed and your don't have to make me a charcuterie board, give me a beer and a blanket for the couch.
No. You will be treated well. You will be comfy. You won't be hungry. You will be given a high quality porter.
If you were to be my guest, it is my duty for you to feel only as bad as my highest standard for myself. Nothing below that. I simply refuse to treat someone as a nuisance that just needs to sleep somewhere.
I ACTUALLY SLEEP BETTER ON COUCHES I SWEAR! AND NO I DONT NEED YOU TO DRAW ME A BATH!
You're lucky I have a comfy couch and fluffy blankets...
There are many what the fucks in that list, some for rudeness or grossness, but multiple items on that list could result in food poisoning and therefore are potentially lethal.
Please introduce your relatives to good food safety protocols before they kill somebody.
The single men are bad because their homes are disgusting and they have absolutely zero consideration for their guests. They never clean the floor, they don't clean any surfaces, there are loose shavings of hair clogging up the sink, the toilet is discoloured. Men would happily leave you on a sofa without a blanket or a pillow if you were staying the night, and if they even have any food in the house, they aren't likely to share it with you (this goes 10x over if the meal is breakfast).
I'm so fucking proud of my apartment. I got chili in my fridge, a clean ass bathroom, BOTH kinds of phone chargers, hella pillows and blankets.
Hospitality a key part of being a "New Socialist Man"
I'm in a new socialist man compound right now it's warm as hell we got stoves and like fifty blankets you fuckin loser.
spoiler
You’re not a loser comrade, it’s a Brace tweet.
I have blankets, pillows, whole milk and salted butter. You should come stay over my place
Reading this being happy I'm none of this thanks to my mom and then realising I've got a friend like this... Visiting him gave me shellshock.
I absolutely know what you're talking about, so many men live in utter filth and for some reason are like, ok with it??? Even if this post is just a bit, (doesn't look like it) I still feel so, so good knowing how good I am when it comes to hygiene, cleanliness and hospitality.
I'm very disconnected from men my age, most of them weird me out if not outright disgust me.
Dude I actually hate other men, generally. 1 to 1 I kind of get along with them I guess, but typical UK man culture just does not appeal to me in the slightest. They are sooooooo boooooooooooooring, among my other complaints.
Same here, most I've met have like no discernable interests whatsoever. Just gaming, YouTube, some "universal" man vibes, maybe football/soccer (This fucking thing: ⚽) and that's about it? Rarely anything else, and if yes then barely so. Surface level shit.
But when I find a guy with some actual proper interest they invest their time in, something that genuinely love and excel at, that's a one in a hundred type of dude and I'm not letting go (Disclaimer, this disqualifies all gamers. All.). I will gladly sit there and listen occasionally interrupting them just to pull their tounge more. I want to be friends with people like these, I don't want some stupid misogynist, nihilistic know it all Nietzsche """""reading""""" piece of shit that is only "good" at competitive Counter Strike. But if you are train loving urbanism nerd that also contributes to OpenStreetMap, you bet your fucking ass we are having an hours long chat. Hell even if one would be a car loving engineer and/or tinkerer, I want to listen to them because they might love cars for the machines that they are and not out of some misplaced feeling of (toxic) masculinity. Dudes can rock, and it's annoying that so many just don't. Fuck.
I'm not even going to get into grooming, self care, and possibly sense of style you've already complained enough about disgusting man caves. I for myself prefer to have a well maintained, cared for and genuinely inviting 🌸boy grotto🌸 where one can feel homely.
Oh and to add to everything, I've seen plenty of misogynist memes portraying women as boring, shallow and empty but barely any for men. How the fuck?
stop buying lactofree you're not lactose intolerant you're shitting because you drink coffee in the morning
and the evening
Dark chocolate digestives are meh. But if they got some hobnobs, you dip them in milk and they're the bomb.
They give you a washcloth
What? Washcloths are fine. Back before they made soft body wash soaps it was either that or rubbing yourself with a bar of soap with everyone else's hair on it.
Can never find a fucking plug to charge my phone
I literally bought a bunch of chargers and put them around the house to resolve this issue and they have gradually made their way into the abyss / different people's bedrooms
Doesn't recycle or compost
Now I have my own home, my recycling system is bomb. Coming back here, all the bins get mixed up, and they are all full of non-recyclables anyway.
This reminded me that I have to clean a bit.
And you'll take my lacto free products from my cold dead non-gassy hands.
I have one of those friends where we’re only friends now because we were friends more than ten years ago. Like, you’re in your late thirties, single, and still living like some kind of goblin. His guest toilet bowl is so gross that all femme people who have seen it have refused to use it, and he’s just like “you’re not touching the toilet bowl!” Idk how he dates.
I know you’re not talking about me cause all of my friends are shitlibs but I can answer your last question - I don’t
