Not sure if it was exactly the same. A combination of internalizing the lad culture view of masculinity as what I actually was and being utterly repulsed by it led me to be incredibly repressed. I know that there were people who were very obviously interested in me, but I wouldn't be able to reciprocate on flirting, let alone initiate, or anything like that unless I was shitfaced. And I'd start distancing myself as soon as I got sober.

Have managed to mostly work through it at least, but I still get bouts of self loathing.