Unsurprisingly, many are related to gym.

During a race, I had to run from one end of the gym to the other and then back again. Rather than just stopping at the far end and turning around, I ran kind of in a circle because I wanted to see if it was faster to do so. It wasn’t. Everyone on my team yelled at me. Maybe this was fourth grade? I know it seems minor, but this was part of a pattern at elementary school. If I strayed from the norm even slightly, everyone would instantly yell at me. It still makes me angry thinking about this. Fuck those pieces of shit! The best most of them have been able to do is beg oligarchs for money at useless nonprofits since then, although I’m pretty sure one of my classmates worked for the CIA (he’s also a fucking landlord now).

Once during sixth grade (maybe) we were swinging around on these rings which dangled on ropes from the ceiling, which must be thirty feet high. It was pretty fun, but the gym teacher pushed me too hard and I fell onto the wooden floor away from the mat I was supposed to land on. I sat on the bleachers and was trembling for like half an hour after that one. The gym teacher checked to see if I was okay but didn’t really care. I don’t think kids are allowed to use these rings anymore.

In eighth grade or so, I started getting into running on my own. (I had quit soccer because they started getting serious about it and benched me during games for hours because I guess I wasn’t good enough.) I asked the gym teacher for running advice but he didn’t want to talk with me. Like many gym teachers, he was accused of liking the girls too much. I’ve been running ever since then despite his complete lack of interest and a few years ago I got 9th place in a 5k.

Around this time we were playing dodgeball in the gym. At the beginning of the game you have to run to the middle of the gym to grab the balls. I grabbed a big one that another girl had also grabbed. She accused me of grabbing her boobs. I swear to god, I never touched them. The gym teacher sent me to the principal’s office where I cried my eyes out because I was so ashamed that anyone would accuse me of doing that. The girl acted like she didn’t give a shit. I wasn’t punished after that, so I guess the administration didn’t believe her. This was around the 2000 election, and the girl once bragged that she was planning to meet George W. Bush. Her dad is a lawyer who represents rightwing lunatic politicians, like the kind that aren’t even allowed in the Republican Party. For the record, no one has accused me of inappropriate sexual behavior since then.

Last story. We went out onto the field at the end of the eighth grade to try throwing javelins. Nobody believed I would do a good job, but to everyone’s surprise, including my own, I was the best javelin thrower on that field. It was awesome. But no praise came from the gym teacher. Nobody said: “maybe you should do this in high school.” Nothing. But the class went from saying that I sucked to just not talking about me. I had so many bad experiences with athletic activities that I never did any in high school, though I think now that I might have really enjoyed track.

As an adult I spent a little time subbing at the same school and worked as a gym teacher a few times. It was by far the easiest fucking job I have ever had. Plus, you don’t even have to torture the fucking kids. Nobody gives a shit what you do in there so long as the kids move around and no one gets hurt. The school I worked at was rich, so they had all kinds of cool shit to play with. You can just say: “be nice, be safe, have fun,” and the kids will organize their own activities and have a fucking great time. But every gym teacher I’ve met has honestly been a total fucking bastard (they’re also obvious chuds). It seems like they’re just disappointed athletes who take out their frustration on the kids. Everyone should love gym, but very many people these days are saying that it’s very bad.