At a meeting with the French writer Henri Barbusse in September 1934, Stalin told him the story of his escape from exile. In 1912, Stalin was exiled to the distant Narym region in the hope that he would not dare to flee from there. However, the escape was a success. Stalin told Barbusse about it, because he considered this escape to be a kind of classic.
It is well known that many escapes of Russian revolutionaries, especially from the intelligentsia, ended in failure. It was all the fault of the "lordly" habits and the inability to find a common language with ordinary people. Even those who carefully prepared were thwarted by denunciations of drivers, maids, janitors and other "forced people" who reported "strange men" to the local authorities.
Stalin, on the other hand, did not particularly try to conceal the quite obvious fact that he was hiding from the police. He did not beg, did not make promises to reward generously, like a rich master, and did not offer to "pay with vodka" in order to exclude the very possibility of interpreting his behavior as an attempt at bribery, "greasing palms", insulting the dignity of any decent person. When talking with the driver, he immediately announced that he had no money. But he noted he had a pair of vodka shot glasses. And with them he will be able to "pay" a "yardstick" for each ride between settlements. As long as that is enough, it will go for as long.
The coachmen, hearing about such an intricate form of payment, began to joke that, they say, "this devil is not Russian" that he does not know that in Russia no one measures vodka with yardsticks, but only with buckets! Then Stalin pulled out from behind his bag a wooden yardstick in in the form of a plank 71 cm long, small iron cups emerged from the bag. Mason jars were put on the board, and vodka was poured into them. And so it happened - an arshin of vodka!(a Russian unit of length equal to 28 inches)
The joke caused laughter, defused the situation. On the way, the second, or even the third "arshin" drank together in a toast, to a common snack or heartfelt road talk about how the common people live.
“Come to us again,” the drivers usually said, parting with the cheerful passenger. After several stations, the drivers changed. It turned out that Stalin never named the destination of his journey, did not mention a single station.
Despite his obvious Caucasian accent, Stalin managed to escape from the farthest corners of the empire. For all the time it has not been an issue even once!
Former secretary of the Borjomi district party committee Djibo Nikolayevich Lomoshvili told the following story: In the 1930s, Stalin, together with members of the Politburo, arrived in Tbilisi and, as always, stayed at the house of his mother, Ekaterina Georgievna.
How exactly Stalin's conversation with his mother began is hard to remember, but it ended like this ...
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Son, tell me, did you kill the Tsar?
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No, mom, not me. At that time I was fighting on the front.
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Swear! Swear it’s not you and cross yourself.
Stalin crossed himself.
- Well, thank God that so ... I believe you, son.
Everyone who was present at this conversation was greatly amazed that the revolutionary Stalin crossed himself and did it sincerely, according to all the rules. Stalin took his mother by the hand, kissed her and, calming her, said something quietly to her in Georgian. Then he turned to his guests and said:
- Here is pure faith! It is impossible to deceive or confuse such a person. You all should have such belief in socialism
I.V. Stalin received parcels from his mother in Georgia with the usual set of favorite delicacies: nut jam, churchkhels and figs. And in Georgia, they tell the story of how Stalin's mother once sent him a parcel.
While buying gifts, she lingered a little and came to the post office right as they were going on their lunch break. The young postman there began to send the old woman out.
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Go, go, closed! Lunch break.
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Son, I can't wait for an hour. It's hard for me. Spend five minutes on me, send a parcel to my son, please!
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No, no, I'm going for a meal. In one hour!
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Eh! Son, why are you like this? As a person, I ask you ...
But the postman was relentless and slammed the window right in front of her face.
Ekaterina Georgievna went out, stood a little at a loss, and finally went up to a poster depicting Stalin, sat down on a stone. Then she raised her head, looked intently at the poster, shook her head and said:
- And you want to build socialism with these people? Uh <A sigh>
The postman heard this sitting at the open window:
- Woman, what are you talking about there? Do you even know who this is?
“I know, I know,” she waved the young guy off. - This is my son!
Before the opening of the Moscow metro in 1935, the editor-in-chief of Vechernyaya Moskvy announced to the staff that the next issue would be devoted to the responses of workers to this significant event, and instructed them to prepare the relevant material. The journalists went to carry out their assignment. Only the reporter Trofim Yudin was in no hurry, he came up with a daring idea: to interview Stalin himself. Everyone knew that Stalin had made a test ride in a brand new metro just the day before, and who else, if not he, could give an appropriate response! Yudin called the Kremlin, introduced himself and explained the purpose of his call. He was asked to wait a little bit. When Stalin's voice rang out on the phone, Yudin was suddenly surprised and barely uttered the prepared phrase:
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Hello, Comrade Stalin, this is the correspondent of Vechernyaya Moskvy, Trofim Yudin.
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Who-who?
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Trofim Yudin, Comrade Stalin, from the newspaper Vechernyaya Moskva. We are preparing a reportage with the responses of citizens about our metro. I wanted to ask, Comrade Stalin, did you like the metro?
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Write it down: "I liked the metro. The Moscow metro is the best in the world. ~Stalin."
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Thank you, Comrade Stalin.
Happy and proud, Yudin spoke about an interview with the editor-in-chief, who was hysterical. What to do? Print? What if Yudin is lying! Don't print? And if it's true ?!
- I need confirmation, I won't publish it! - I'll fire you if you don't confirm it!
Yudin calls Stalin again:
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Comrade Stalin, they are threatening to firing me - they do not believe that I talked to you.
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Tell them that I don't want you fired.
Yudin was not fired. Moreover, he was sat down and surrounded in the newspaper room with six Chief editors, who treated him with apprehension, not knowing what to expect from him.
In October 1941, the Germans, as you know, approached Moscow itself. Unbeknownst to Stalin, his dacha was filled with mines, after taking out everything of value.
On the evening of October 15, Stalin, as usual, gathered in Volynskoe. They began to dissuade him: they say, the heating was turned off, the curtains were removed from the windows, the water was turned off. Stalin insisted that he be taken to his dacha. We drove up to the fence and saw that the gate was tightly closed. They began to honk and knock. From behind the fence, the voice of Orlov's security officer was heard, who asked who he had brought at such a time.
- We have brought Stalin! Open immediately!
Recognizing Stalin's voice, Orlov, without opening the gate, announced that the dacha was mined in accordance with the order. Stalin sighed and in a calm voice said wearily:
- Well, we will clear mines together.
Stalin was temporarily placed in a security house, and the stove was lit. The Kremlin turntable phoned the Kremlin. Soon, sappers arrived and quickly cleared the house.
The question of transferring the strategic reserves of the headquarters to the Stalingrad front was being resolved. In the Kremlin, in Stalin's office, near the maps laid out on the table stood Zhukov, Vasilevsky, the commander for the rear Khrulev, secretary of the Central Committee of the CPSU (b) Malenkov, Yermolin, as well as the head of transportation and the head of the technical department of the General Staff.
Stalin's gaze unexpectedly fell on the head of the technical department, or rather, on his jacket. An excellent specialist, an excellent organizer, the head of the technical department was distinguished by extreme negligence, he could come to the meeting in a tunic with spots or without a collar. There was always such a feature behind him, but no one dared to make a comment: an adult, moreover, a military man, must understand himself.
Stalin had previously paid attention to the sloppiness of the chief of the technical department, but knowing how hard it was to work and at the same time to look after himself in such a difficult time, he held back. But this time the greasy tunic and uncleaned boots completely pissed him off.
Looking at the slovenly officer, with difficulty restraining his anger, Stalin asked:
- And what is this street child? Who are you visiting? Are you a general or ... Khrulev! If this general does not have enough funds to sew a uniform for himself, sew two for him at my expense. Now get out of here!
The news of the incident spread with lightning speed. The next day, all as one officers of the General Staff came to work carefully shaved, in ironed tunics, in shoes polished to a shine.
Irakli Andronikov knew how to parody various figures well. Stalin turned out to be especially similar when he was told about this. At one of the meetings with writers, Stalin saw I. Andronikov and approached him:
Comrade Andronikov, they say you are good at parodying me. Please show me!
I don’t make up my mind! - said Andronikov and made a negative gesture with an imaginary pipe in his hand ...
Once, at one of the banquets in the Kremlin, seizing the moment, I.S. Kozlovsky turned to Stalin:
Comrade Stalin, I have never been abroad, I would very much like to go ...
Won't you run away?
What are you, Comrade Stalin, I will not exchange my native village for the whole abroad!
How well you said that. So go to your native village.
H. Khrushchev often flaunted his true proletarian origin and recalled his working past at every opportunity. This continued until one day Stalin, unable to bear it, chuckled and said:
Subsequently H. Khrushchev cited this phrase as an example of Stalin's disrespectful attitude towards the working class.
As a compromise, Stalin suggested that the British send about two dozen divisions to the Eastern Front, for direct participation in hostilities in Ukraine. Beaverbrook expressed the idea of transferring troops from Iran to the Caucasus, motivating this idea with the proximity of the territory:
Stalin:
At a meeting of the Politburo, Stalin spoke about the conversation:
At one of his meetings with Stalin, Churchill proposed to place an air base in Murmansk and added:
It's hard for you! (saying this to the only country actually fighting off the nazi invasion on their homeland)
Difficult! If you want to help, then send your troops to the front. And we ourselves will guard our ports. (Dunked lmao)
"Well, we have allies ..." - Stalin said periodically.
The Allies violated the terms of the operation, code-named "Overlord", scheduled for May 1944. The opening of the Second Front began with the landing of the Anglo-American landing on the coast of France only on June 6. Thus, the USSR alone bore the brunt of the Second World War almost to the very end. (That is to say, since the 14 of June in 1941 to just 8 days short of three full years, the Allies kept putting off opening up the second front until the best armies of the Axis powers were broken under the Red Army's tank treads. Talk about being opportunistic hyenas)
In addition, when the Allies suffered a serious defeat on December 16, 1944 in the Ardennes and in January 1945 in Alsace, Churchill turned to Stalin for help, asking him to launch an offensive on the Eastern Front ahead of the time planned by Headquarters. Despite the bad weather for aviation and artillery, Stalin promised that he would help the allied forces, and kept his word. (who needs the British as allies when you got the Man of Steel on your side)
The large-scale offensive of the Soviet Army began on January 12, 1945 on the front stretching from the Baltic Sea to the Carpathians. The Germans were forced to urgently transfer their divisions from the Western Front to the Eastern. The allies were saved. (Thats to say that even fighting the lightly armed garrison forces and the beaten-to-shit veterans of the Eastern Front were too tough for the "forces of Freedom and Democracy", who had three relatively peaceful years to build up, to fight off.)
Stalin's communication with the heads and representatives of foreign states took place not only at the negotiating table. At banquets and other friendly events, one should not relax either. In addition to serious "raids," Stalin had to give a worthy response to less significant, but no less daring diplomatic taunts.
At the Potsdam Conference, controversy over post-war borders flared up. W. Churchill was especially fierce:
But Lviv has never been a Russian city!
And Warsaw was, - Stalin calmly objected ...
(talking about how western Ukraine and western Belarus were occupied by the Poles when they broke away during the Russian Revolution. They're basically negotiating to restore stolen lands from the former second Polish "republic" to their respective socialist republics, while word-playing with, or as I call it spitting in the face of, the bulldog imperialist who views all of the British empire as sovereign territory of the English that he shouldn't be a drunken hypocrite when he knows that Poland was a former subject of the Tsarist crown as well.)