I feel there is very little we can do individually to change people's minds or turn them away from fascism, or even to get them to stop turning their own brains into soup, but you can still show them there are consequences to their actions.

Telling my own friends / relations what I think of them and cutting ties with them has done nothing to bring them back in line with normal human values, but at least I am not burdened with the guilt of my association, and maybe one day enough people will cut them off that the loneliness gets to them and they begin to re-evaluate their lives.

It is literally the least I can do. Any sadness I felt was heartbreak that they could be so shitty to begin with.

  • SoylentSnake [he/him, they/them]
    ·
    6 months ago

    this is a really complex topic that is case-by-case to the extreme. generally necessary for people who are actively abusive as a pattern, definitely. but i've been cut off by people for pretty normal conflicts and it is deeply hurtful and can leave lasting psychological scars. also had people slow-ghost my friendship without explanation. unless someone is really actively harming me and they mean something to me, i do tend toward thinking i owe the people in my life shit. at least some kind of closure or explanation if a friendship or relationship ends. but i tend to try to keep the connect alive to the extent it's possible and extend my love and energy toward them.

    also it seems like a lot of self-help pop psychology is normalizing cutting people out in a way that seems to be an uncritical default to atomization and away from communal responsibility. again this is super complicated and really can't be boiled down to a singular rule of thumb.

    • ButtBidet [he/him]
      ·
      6 months ago

      I do feel this. I've had long term friends just ghost me after a disagreement. It's painful to the point of traumatic.

      That said, people I'm about to break up with a friend, family member, or partner, they have a fuck ton of warning it's gonna happen. It's a bit like a job, where people deserve escalated warnings before just getting their keycard locked out. I try to be very explicit too, like "X thing makes me not enjoy hanging out with you and I don't want to be your friend". And said friends and family always have some avenue for apologies, maybe we're not friends on Facebook but they know my email.

      For instance, I've given my parents 7 years to apologise. They still have my email, which they only use for birthday wishes. (I've told them to stop). They're just far too self centred to care about feelings outside their own. I'm a happier, more grounded person for having zero hope with them.

      • SoylentSnake [he/him, they/them]
        ·
        6 months ago

        I try to be very explicit too, like "X thing makes me not enjoy hanging out with you and I don't want to be your friend". And said friends and family always have some avenue for apologies, maybe we're not friends on Facebook but they know my email.

        yeah on its face this seems fair, you're at least giving some kind of explanation which i think is more than many would do. and also leaving yourself open to receiving an apology is more leeway than a lot of situations where there's ghosting/cutting off so it sounds like you're in a healthy place with this kind of stuff.

    • HexBroke [any, comrade/them]
      ·
      6 months ago

      communal responsibility

      I don't think you should be cutting off anyone who actually holds or could reasonably ever hold a legitimate sense of communal responsibility

    • DivineChaos100 [none/use name]
      ·
      6 months ago

      This, i almost ghosted my best friend 7 years ago because of the refugee crisis in europe birthed a ton of arguments between us and i really started to hate his guts but thankfully he did his due research and now at least acknowledges that most of the world's troubles come from capitalism and the US empire. I don't feel like i need to cut off the people who i still dont agree, i just keep them at a safe distance.