I have been a straight guy for as long as I can remember. Ive had multiple relationships, plenty of enjoyable sexual encounters, and obviously seen women as a point of attraction since i was very young.

However, my long term relationship has suffered because I started having these panic attacks about that. I start obsessing over the idea that I may not be straight, as a result of some erectile dysfunction, which of course only makes that panic worse.

Lately, almost exactly after I turned 30, its like that part of my brain just shut off. I can, most of the time, become erect and do the deed (so to speak) but its like a part of my brain is missing. The part that wants it, its so quiet compared to before. I have obsessive doubts about what im feeling, all the time. I dont enjoy anything. I cant masturbate, because when I do find a fleeting grasp of arousal it is met with a wave of depression and anxiety that shuts it down.

Im going to my first therapy session today, but im in a lot of pain and just wanted a place to put it.

Edit: weed was a major trigger and ive since given it up

Edit: would also just like to thank everyone for responding, thank you to the community.

  • grey_wolf_whenever [he/him]
    ·
    3 years ago

    Nope! Zero fantasies about men, but theres a deep history of some traumatic bullying. When I was a kid I was small, effeminate, etc, all things that made you a big target. Thats part of whats bugging me, its like Ive just imported those voices in my head to the future.

      • grey_wolf_whenever [he/him]
        ·
        3 years ago

        Yeah, Ive had those thoughts. Even when theres a mild sense of "that guy is attractive" the thought of doing anything just doesnt really kick anything off for me. Feels awkward really, too much penis involved for me. And yet, my brain is swirling trying to figure out where the horny went and its grasping at anything. Maybe Ive developed asexuality?