I have been a straight guy for as long as I can remember. Ive had multiple relationships, plenty of enjoyable sexual encounters, and obviously seen women as a point of attraction since i was very young.

However, my long term relationship has suffered because I started having these panic attacks about that. I start obsessing over the idea that I may not be straight, as a result of some erectile dysfunction, which of course only makes that panic worse.

Lately, almost exactly after I turned 30, its like that part of my brain just shut off. I can, most of the time, become erect and do the deed (so to speak) but its like a part of my brain is missing. The part that wants it, its so quiet compared to before. I have obsessive doubts about what im feeling, all the time. I dont enjoy anything. I cant masturbate, because when I do find a fleeting grasp of arousal it is met with a wave of depression and anxiety that shuts it down.

Im going to my first therapy session today, but im in a lot of pain and just wanted a place to put it.

Edit: weed was a major trigger and ive since given it up

Edit: would also just like to thank everyone for responding, thank you to the community.

  • Quimby [any, any]
    ·
    3 years ago

    Don't be embarrassed or afraid by the need for "self-care" either. When I went on meds, I had performance problems and it made me self-conscious, which made it worse. I literally "practiced" on my own by masturbating and it got better. At first, I struggled, even on my own. But having my partner be understanding made the difference. Once I knew that it was ok for me to go into the bathroom and take care of myself, even if it took a LONG time or I had to try over a few separate sessions, it took a lot of the pressure off and helped me become more confortable. Just taking my time and focusing on my own enjoyment and needs. (Though there was still some internal pressure, like "please, ffs, I just want to finish already!"). But by "practicing" on my own, I was able to get my libido back, start finishing consistently and in less time on my own, and even sometimes do it more than once in a single day if I'm feeling especially horny. Once I was doing ok on my own, I started trying to finish with my partner again, and that took about 6 or 7 sessions--spread out over a couple months--before I actually succeeded (with more "practice" in between). BUT all in all, looking back, it really only took about 6 months for me to get from dysfunctional to "normal" again. 6 months is one of those time frames that seems daunting when you look ahead at it, but short when you look back at it.

    • grey_wolf_whenever [he/him]
      ·
      3 years ago

      Thats exactly how 6 months feels, haha. Did you take medications, and if I can ask, how was your experience with the anxiety/depression over all?

      • Quimby [any, any]
        ·
        3 years ago

        I took/am taking effexor for my anxiety and it caused the sexual dysfunction. I didn't take any medication for the sexual dysfunction side effect. experiences definitely vary, but I think the first 2 weeks on medicine were really hard overall, but after that, I stabilized, and now I love my medication. I wish I'd done it years ago. main side effects for me are dry mouth, very vivid and sweaty dreams, and the sexual dysfunction. But my anxiety is so much better and it's totally worth it. The first 2 weeks I felt Weird™ and lightheaded and stuff, but that went away.

        Hopefully I'm answering the question?