I'm asking from a place of genuine curiousity, as a bi trans woman I ask myself this question regularly and never quite settle on an answer. I suppose the key question I ask myself is was I born trans and spent 25 years figuring it out, or was it something that developed and grew as I matured?
My inspiration for this question is this video: https://www.ted.com/talks/dr_lisa_diamond_why_the_born_this_way_argument_does_not_advance_lgbt_equality
Obviously I don't think it matters, lgbtq rights and legitmacy shouldn't be tied to the idea that "they can't help it, they were born that way", it's just the right thing to support. And even if it isn't something you are born with that doesn't automatically make it a "choice" that one could consciously change (or be tortured, a la conversion therapy, out of), there are many parts of my identity that I wasn't born with but are now core parts of me.
Idk, I'm interested to hear others' thoughts. I feel as if my self-discovery was somewhat delayed because I had the idea that if I were trans, I would absolutely know because it'd be some core part of me that I was born with, and how could you be ignorant of that? I feel like, if someone told me at 18 "You know you can choose to be a girl if you want" and showed me a picture of post-transition me, I'd probably would've started questioning then instead of years later. In some ways I feel as if I chose to be trans, but is it really a choice if I would pick the same answer every time? Was I predetermined to choose to transition? Could there be a person born gay/trans, but never realize it? Would they still be gay/trans if neither they nor anyone else knew it?
And what about the future? Lately I've been thinking that an identity like non-binary or agender might fit me better. Does that mean I've been wrongly interpreting my true self? Ultimately whether there's some true, fixed identity buried deep in my psyche and I'm just trying to interpret it, or if that doesn't exist and my identity is just this fluid thing I consciously construct and am constantly revisiting, I think the outcome is the same. Personally, I prefer the idea that my gender identity and sexuality are fluid, ever-changing things that evolve as I grow and experience the world. I'd like to have it where I didn't feel shame or guilt when I continue to question my gender or sexuality after already coming out. I'd like to be able to enjoy my pre-transition memories as a legitimate part of me and my journey, rather than a false me that should be buried away and seldom talked about.
I realize this is a very subjective experience, and other people will relate differently to the things I wrote about. I'm not trying to prescribe a certain way to approach this topic, I'm just interested to hear other people's thoughts on the matter. Solidarity forever comrades.
:hexbear-pride: :flag-bi-pride: :flag-gay-pride: :flag-gay-pride-mlm: :flag-pan-pride: :flag-demi-pride: :flag-trans-pride: :hexbear-gay-pride: :flag-agender-pride: :flag-asexual-pride: :flag-lesbian-pride: :flag-aromantic-pride: :flag-non-binary-pride: :flag-genderfluid-pride: :flag-intersex-pride: :flag-genderfluid-pride: :flag-genderqueer-pride:
Personally I identify as non-binary and agender and it feels like cheating. I'm kind of androgynous so people will sometimes refer to me as a woman, until I talk or they get a closer look. It feels like cheating because I didn't have to do anything or come out or come to terms with it. Most people I've told don't seem to care or know what I'm talking about. I've never been bullied or denied housing or anything. Most people don't even know unless I tell them.
So I've always felt non-binary. I don't know if that means I was born with it. I don't remember a single moment where I felt comfortable with my name or pronouns or anything. As a kid I would ask people to not call me by name, in fact, just don't call me anything. I always hated getting grouped together with guys, hated the idea of marriage and adopting a masculine role as a parent. I never wanted to be part of what's called normal gender roles. Not to dissuade anyone else though, it's just not for me.
I'm also some level of autistic and a lot smaller than most guys in my family, so that probably had something to do with it.
I wouldn't worry so much though about figuring out if you have a true self from birth you're hiding. People are dynamic. You're also the ultimate authority of what your gender is. People change and it's fine to be different now than how you were before. Hope that's encouraging.