I think it’s a distinguishing line of alienation wherein I am alienated from my own learning because it is controlled by a capitalist and sold to me as a commodity rather than existing as an action that I control and pursue to my own interest’s extent. Because yes I am learning, but it doesn’t feel like I own that knowledge on some level and I know that because I’ve done this loop where I’ll pick up a new skill as a hobby for a period of time and then walk away from it for the next thing feeling like I haven’t actually embodied any of the gained knowledge. Sure I know a bit of guitar and have picked up a decent amount of German and Spanish but because these things feel transactional I don’t feel ownership over them which is to say I don’t recognize them as skill sets I actually have. Idk there’s a point here I’m trying to make but I’m not finding quite the right wording for it. Something along the lines of the ‘great reset’ nonsense where we no longer own anything we just rent it but it’s for aspects of our personality and mind. The capitalist realism of feeling like you’re just renting out your own experiences from the people that actually own them rather than feeling ownership yourself. It’s a very disempowering place to be but I think that mindset is what’s actually at the core of consumerist ideology