Basically the title. But for context:
I have AvPD, Avoidant Personality Disorder. I know I'm not the only hexbear who suffers from this, as it's been discussed here and mentioned a few times. It's pretty severe in my case, enough that the psychologist I am able to see (at a low-income clinic that accepts my state's version of medicaid) has been strongly suggesting that I apply for disability. And without going into detail, I don't know how I'm going to survive in the looming, relatively near future without aid. (I'm already on SNAP aka foodstamps and really struggling). So I applied for SSI. I have my first means-testing meeting this week. It will just be over the phone, but they say to have at least 2 hours of time for the interrogation. I'm deeply dreading it, and figured it couldn't hurt to see if anyone here maybe had some advice. I know I will be denied at first, that denial on the first attempt is a given for literally everyone since they want to weed out people who "aren't serious" about needing help. I know I'll have to reapply and appeal probably a few times and even then it's not exactly likely, especially since I'm applying with a psychological problem rather than physical. I do have some physical problems too, but they are secondary.
So... is there anything a person should know going in? Does anyone have experiences with the process that they'd care to share? Or hell, even just thoughts on how fucked up the whole thing is.
For effexor, it was definitely tough pushing through at the beginning. I did NOT like how it made me feel for the first two weeks, and it actually took me two tries. I tried it for like three days, told my psychiatrist I couldn't do it, and then a couple months later, said "I'm desperate for relief from my anxiety, let's try the Effexor again (since it has the best profile for my needs, on paper.)" The second time around, I was able to push through. And now it's good. But for me, I really can't take anything that's not prescribed, or I get anxious again. So, for me, no alcohol or cbd. (Though I do take other prescription meds.) But everyone is different, of course.
I will say, I would not mention any illegal drug use, personally, because I think these people tend to be strongly prejudiced against it (the government, generally speaking, hates "drug users".) I would focus on just the legal use. You could say "benzodiazapenes did work for me, but my doctor is unable to safely prescribe them on a regular basis because of medical guidelines on dosing and frequency for such dangerous medications. so there aren't therapies that would enable me to work enough hours to hold down a job or make enough money to exceed the threshold for disability." and come at from that angle. or you could sort of just address it in passing and focus on other stuff.
Yeah the SS(N)RI's I tried didn't seem to have any real positive effect just a load of shitty side effects. And maybe I need to give it all up, but non-prescribed substances are still a massive help to me. Alcohol is shit, and I know I should just not use it. But ketamine-like dissociatives and occasional psychedelics are like a saving grace, a bright spot in an otherwise dark world (maybe that's melodramatic, but the gist is true). If I could be guaranteed I'd be truly anxiety-free, I would sadly but surely give all those up and go on whatever prescription. But I am loathe to lose those beneficial trips for the sake of yet another drug that doesn't work beyond placebo and fucks with me in other ways. My psychiatrist has suggested lithium for me, and I might try that, but it would make any psychedelic dangerous and therefore out of the question. So yeah, I'm still trying to sort out the best path. I know lots of meds would look good to the fucking means testers too. I am already prescribed gabapentin and buprenorphine (suboxone et al) with ambien for as-needed use.
See, I would totally agree with that about not telling them. My instinct would be to leave out the illicit stuff except for the former benzodiazepine use, just because I stopped using that in early 2019 and it's such a huge part of the story. Like I said, the withdrawal really fucked me up. And it's all there in my therapists notes anyway. (I started seeing her because I was suicidal after months of withdrawal). But yeah, I would leave out the other stuff. But here's the thing... that lawyer told me to actually be totally honest. To tell them about all of it. It surprised me too, and I wish I had had the wherewithal at the time to further question him on that. So I don't know.
Oh. I would definitely listen to the lawyer then. That surprises me too, but I would 100% trust your lawyer and defer to them. Lawyers will pretty much always give you sincere best advice, as the law gives them maximum incentives and protection to actually look out for the best interests of their clients.
And maybe the balance is to clearly frame the drug use as a result of your disability, not a cause of your disability. Your disability incapacitates you, and the drug use is a well-intentioned attempt to self-help.
I hope the lawyer is right. And I will follow his advice, but I can't help but tread lightly with some of it. I wonder how much the first one really matters anyway, since I'm 100% going to get denied.
As for the second half of your comment. Yep. I think you're right on. That's probably the best tack to take. It also happens to be completely true.
I appreciate you taking the time to talk this stuff through with me.
of course, comrade. solidarity and love.
:heart-sickle: