I keep putting them on pedestals and it’s making me miserable :ooooooooooooooh:

      • LoudMuffin [he/him]
        ·
        3 years ago

        The reality is nobody is going to find you attractive if you do not work on yourself because hating yourself and feeling like you’re a failure isn’t attractive to anyone. Nobody feels bad for you and nobody will feel bad for you if you hate yourself

        i found this out the hard way and now I'm alone :agony-deep:

        • TankieTanuki [he/him]
          ·
          3 years ago

          But you're doing the thing right now! You already know what the solution is: be kind to yourself.

          :meow-hug:

      • Shoegazer [he/him]
        ·
        3 years ago

        start affiliating themselves with incel communities

        Back in high school I was close to diving into those places, but I was also an edgy contrarian and thought the constant punching down on each other was pathetic and believed I was better than them :big-cool:

      • baguettePants [he/him]
        ·
        3 years ago

        That pedestal sure went well for me, when my date from previous night fucked my sister's husband in a room next to where we were having a lunch.

        Yes, I am fucking alienated and now I am affiliating myself with the Hexbear community. I wish I was joking...

      • JoannaNewsom [he/him]
        ·
        3 years ago

        Telling people who are lonely, suffering, and/or depressed that no one cares about them and that they aren’t worthy of being loved unless they can meet some standard seems pretty fucked up. Perhaps it is a realistic view, or can work as motivation for some people, but for me at least it is extremely depressing. I do think the general idea of learning to love yourself is good though, however hard that might be

              • JoannaNewsom [he/him]
                ·
                3 years ago

                Yeah I do think that is all true and useful advice, so thank you. My reaction says more about myself than anything else. After some years of being depressed with not much improvement it just can feel like it will never end or get better. And then the further thought that if I don’t get better that I will be lonely forever isn’t too pleasant. That’s why I usually avoid reading these kinds of topics haha. Giving up or denying reality isn’t going to help though. But it can be nice to escape reality for a time, so I’m off to the Lands Between :fidel-salute:

        • binman [none/use name]
          ·
          3 years ago

          Love yourself? What if you are an unlovable person, though?

          This is called "depressive realism". When a therapist is like, holy crap that guy is 100% right about everything and there's nothing I can tell him to make it better.

              • SuperNovaCouchGuy [any]
                ·
                3 years ago

                Know this american, I will do what I can to fucking fight you and your goddamn neoliberal culture, your goddamn army, your goddamn economy, your goddamn government, your goddamn corporations, and your goddamn media tooth and nail, doing my part until every single fucking human being on this planet has enough to live a fullfilled life Regardless of whether they Deserve it(TM) or not. I hope we both live long enough to see a real just economy in our lifetimes because I want to see the look on your face when the homeless person you construed as human trash on the street corner opposite to your fucking apartment gets enough food to eat and a warm place to stay despite not Earning it(TM).

                Mark my fucking words.

                  • SuperNovaCouchGuy [any]
                    ·
                    3 years ago

                    But I understand from your point of view all Americans are the same

                    You have demonstrated that perfectly thanks.

                    Anyway your writing style is weird and makes me uncomfortable

                    Because I refute each one of your arguments one by one and you can't keep up. How old are you?

                • SuperNovaCouchGuy [any]
                  ·
                  3 years ago

                  Yeah maybe I’m western brained but it’s a very hard mind set to ween out of when society is a fuck and there’s hardly any room or any sort of basis to go off when trying to figure out yourself mentally.

                  Then don't expect others to do so too, its very simple.

            • SuperNovaCouchGuy [any]
              ·
              3 years ago

              likely to go on literal incel shooting which there have been plenty of in America because of boys hating themselves

              I love how you fail to recognize the problem of bullying within your school systems, these boys dont go fucking kill their entire class because they hate themselves, they do it because they are hated by some of their peers, the teachers dont help either, so what do they do? They get the fucking AR-15 because thats what your culture teaches kids what to do when there is a problem.

              Nobody cares is a fucking reality I don’t give a shit if you’re not an American, go around the world and there’s 3+ billion living under poverty and you think their mental health is being treated or they are being cared for in the slightest?

              THATS THE POINT YOU FUCKING IDIOT, ITS YOUR AMERICAN GODDAMN NEOLIBERAL POLITICAL ECONOMY THAT HAS RUINED THE WORLD TO THIS EXTENT, LITERALLY GENOCIDED NATIONS WORTH OF SOULS FOR FUCKING WHAT??

              The least we can do as individuals is to ignore this nihilism within ourselves in order to become better people, no the world isn’t fucking perfect, capitalism won and we live in a neolib hell scape where NOBODY GIVES A SHIT and as much as you want to believe that ignoring this statement because is comes from a place of neolib reality is just you ignoring the reality of many peoples situations.

              Projection. You are in fact ignoring the Basic fucking conclusion to this Fundamental fact of life in the eldritch belly of neoliberalism, THE FACT THAT "NOBODY" GIVES A SHIT about anyone LITERALLY MEANS THERE IS NO SOCIETY. You dont know how utterly horrifying this situation is and thats why you can still cope with platitudes, hedge your bets on a fake society, and espouse the pure ideology that you do. Please tell me how I am being nihilistic too, you are literally just repeating right wing NPC talking points without engaging with what I say.

              Your solution seems to be don’t love yourself because there is no society and society doesn’t love you back so self hatred is fine is only reinforcing the neolib characteristics necessary for change to never occur.

              I dont have a fucking solution, neither do you, and at least I am not arrogant as to pretend that I do. Your "solution" is literally what neoliberals tell white collar workers to do in order to be more productive(TM)

              . Self love is important and knowing yourself before interacting with others is mostly important, you act like I haven’t experienced this self hatred and I’m just some guy sharing platitudes when that’s further from the case, I haven’t loved myself for as long as I’ve been around and this capitalist hell scape only reinforces my self hatred because I feel a lack of individuality, but why should I allow this and my reality to inhibit my ability to at least work on myself and learn to love myself before committing to a loving relationship with someone else?

              Because you still fucking hate yourself for being "Fallen" from a false promise of self loving "individuality" that cannot realistically exist in this world. Please go "work on yourself" and whatnot but don't be an arrogant shitheaded american and assume that you have found the secrets to the universe that must be shared so everyone can follow your way(TM). Its cringe.

              Nobody cares is a fucking reality I don’t give a shit if you’re not an American

              You expect the whole world to be miserable self hating peoples, that’s literal fascism you dope.

              So who's ignoring the reality now? And when did I ever say that I expect the whole world to be miserable self hating people? Im simply telling you to fuck off with your neoliberal platitudes because if something helps you, it doesnt mean it will help everyone else.

              You think Lenin started a revolution because people hated themselves or didn’t love themselves, you think the ability of revolution comes from the idea of everyone hating everyone and hating others because that’s just dumb and you are the true neolib here because you legit believe that self hatred is fine and self pity is something that fuels this unnecessary fire that only leads towards a path of hating others.

              When the fuck did I say any of that lmfao this is pure cope. Of course self hatred and self pity arent fine states of being, but neither is blaming your fallen soul for hating yourself, which is what you are doing in this post. Revolutions start because people understand that the true cause of their suffering isnt their own minds or bodies, but the elite who constrain their existance and seek to crush them.

    • Shoegazer [he/him]
      ·
      3 years ago

      I like the advice in theory, but I need to find something worth putting on a pedestal first