I don't care for woo shit generally but damn if astrology isn't the lamest one. Why aren't there people out there searching for gold with Dowsing rods? Why aren't teens trying to figure out their fates by doing Geomancy and throwing sticks on the ground? I want to see people get into Scapulimancy and Haruspexy where they divine things by burning bones and looking at duck livers.
Bring back that metal shit, fuck this "oooohhhh I looked at some stars and that said what personality I have", fuck that loser, go cut open an Ox and burn it's thigh bone and see the future by huffing geothermal gases!
astrology has a much lower entry cost. There's always a girl in the back of class willing to tell you your sign for free. you can get a cool bracelet for like 3 bucks or a necklace for 5. there's astrology books for like 10 dollars with a decent amount of information in them. The stars are always overhead(although they've gotten harder to see). Plus every single newspaper has horoscopes and there's a million apps. You can pay to get a more complex reading for like 20 bucks. Dowsing require you to go to the middle of nowhere and spin a stick around, geomancy only makes sense if you are a builder really, and any sort of animal-based augury is considered cruel and wasteful in addition to being expensive and well outside most people's skill sets.
On another note, all those other things have been commodified. You buy animals as pets or as food, they aren't divine. the earth is to be bought and sold, it isn't divine. if there is gold it is already owned so what's the point? The stars, at least so far, cannot actually be sold to you. So they still carry their heavenly status, just as they have since time immemorial. Sure you can sell things based upon that divinity, but the stars themselves will still be in God's domain above us mortals.
This feels like if calvin and hobbes was marxist
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thank you for this high praise.