"Comparison is the thief of joy," as they say, but it's not as simple as knowing that and being immediately freed from its clutches.
I looked up a former friend from high school today and found she's now super successful with her own startup doing cool science shit that might actually improve people's lives. When I look at my own life and what I've done in the same time it feels so insignificant, worthless even.
Normally I'm content to just chug along my path and try my best to better the world, but I've got some wounds surrounding this friend and our falling out (largely due to my own insecurities and inability to reconcile my unrequited crush on her :cringe: ) that never healed. Even thinking about her makes me feel so wretched, and all the more hateful towards myself for feeling that way, for being so weak and ill-accomplished. Is there anything to do but just try to block it out of my mind? I wish I could tear out and burn the piece of me that cares about this.
Edit: Thank you to everyone who's responded to this. Talking about it has helped me feel a lot better and think about some goals for how I want my life to go and what I want to prioritize moving forward. Who knew internet strangers could be so helpful?
Cool science shit is cool but definitely not where my skill lies. It's not so much that I wish I could do it, but that it appears more valuable than my skillset, which ties into the classic STEM v. Liberal Arts issue. All I do is write, and that hasn't exactly paid off in changing the world as her [very specific science project that might doxx her if I actually named it] has.
You're absolutely right on the tangled mess thing. This basically ties into all my problems as a developing person and I've never quite known how to deal with it besides shoving it into a dark corner in my mind.