"She was on drugs and underage… not thinking of it as assault is a defense mechanism."
Possibly but that's still how she's considering it. In terms of answering her on reddit with very little information, I think it is totally fair and appropriate to respond to people on their own terms, and not demand that they adapt yours.
" “other men, but not me” can’t be overlooked as just oof"
I meant "oof" as in it obviously would hurt to hear. As I said, it is undeniably cruel. But why say such a cruel thing? Because he's evil? Possibly. But she loves him and thinks of their 4 year relationship as wonderful. It is totally possible that he said it out of a place of pain; saying a reactionarily painful thing to express the hurt you are feeling. Is he wrong to be focusing on his pain instead of hers? Yes. But I don't think that means we need to deny that he is also experiencing pain.
Sure, if he decides that his reaction in the immediate aftermath of this discovery is, actually, the right one to have, he's a terrible person. But reacting badly in and of itself doesn't make you a terrible person.
"If this were my partner..."
I sincerely hope so, but it's not so you don't know. I think you need to temper your confidence, but it's clearly worked for you so far so I'm sure you won't. I do hope you're never tested beyond your breaking point though.
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yeah the “other men, but not me” thing was so fucked up I can't even describe how angry that made me to read.
Possibly but that's still how she's considering it. In terms of answering her on reddit with very little information, I think it is totally fair and appropriate to respond to people on their own terms, and not demand that they adapt yours.
I meant "oof" as in it obviously would hurt to hear. As I said, it is undeniably cruel. But why say such a cruel thing? Because he's evil? Possibly. But she loves him and thinks of their 4 year relationship as wonderful. It is totally possible that he said it out of a place of pain; saying a reactionarily painful thing to express the hurt you are feeling. Is he wrong to be focusing on his pain instead of hers? Yes. But I don't think that means we need to deny that he is also experiencing pain.
Sure, if he decides that his reaction in the immediate aftermath of this discovery is, actually, the right one to have, he's a terrible person. But reacting badly in and of itself doesn't make you a terrible person.
I sincerely hope so, but it's not so you don't know. I think you need to temper your confidence, but it's clearly worked for you so far so I'm sure you won't. I do hope you're never tested beyond your breaking point though.