My a/c is out and it's been getting over 90 degrees in my apartment, so I asked him to stop by and make sure my kitty was all good. I just got home a little while ago and went to pack a bowl, and my bag of weed paraphernalia was all tossed around. The ziplock bag was open and the rolling plate, grinder, bowl, lighters, and bud were thrown in there in a way I normally don't put them in. He's literally as evangelical conservative as you can get, and he's scolded his adult children for drinking or smoking weed in their own homes. So I cleaned up and put away any vapes, beer cans, lighters, etc. so he wouldn't see them. I'm really shocked he didn't bring it up to me, but I'm really pissed that he went through my cupboards and took all the stuff out. I just wanted him to stop by and check on my cat, but he invaded my privacy on top of that.
None of this really matters, I just needed to vent.
It's a really tough situation. I don't have a whole lot of people in my life right now, and he's been a big support to me the past couple years. I want to appreciate the shit he does for me, but he's the total antithesis of my beliefs and ideals, and refuses to acknowledge boundaries. He's a narcissist with the added advantage of having Jesus on his side, so he can literally never be wrong in any situation. The majority of his family has walked away from him, and he's been divorced 3 times. I'm the last one who acknowledges how shitty he is, but still wants to keep him within arm's length because I care about him. I understand that his undiagnosed mental illness is what makes him who he is.
He's moving 18 hours away in a few weeks, and I feel super divided about it. It'll be nice to have him 6 states away so I'll finally be able to breathe and be who I want to be. But he's also the last support that I have, and despite his extreme toxicity, he's the last family member that I have that still talks to me and makes an effort to check in on me. He's fucked in the head and won't admit it, but he's also my dad and I'm going to miss him. Idk, it's fucking weird.
I fully understand all that comrade. It's weird to care about shitty people, I've been there. The distance is gonna be all around good, though. You still get most of the benefits of him being around without most of the negatives.