My a/c is out and it's been getting over 90 degrees in my apartment, so I asked him to stop by and make sure my kitty was all good. I just got home a little while ago and went to pack a bowl, and my bag of weed paraphernalia was all tossed around. The ziplock bag was open and the rolling plate, grinder, bowl, lighters, and bud were thrown in there in a way I normally don't put them in. He's literally as evangelical conservative as you can get, and he's scolded his adult children for drinking or smoking weed in their own homes. So I cleaned up and put away any vapes, beer cans, lighters, etc. so he wouldn't see them. I'm really shocked he didn't bring it up to me, but I'm really pissed that he went through my cupboards and took all the stuff out. I just wanted him to stop by and check on my cat, but he invaded my privacy on top of that.
None of this really matters, I just needed to vent.
I'm a dad and I smoke weed so I initially read the title and thought your dad came over and smoked all of your weed
Sad to hear it's actually bad shit. Sorry friend I hope things swing back for you soon :meow-hug:
Thank you. I'm just like, a grown man and I'm annoyed that I have to put up with this shit. And I wish it didn't bother me so much, I just hate my privacy being invaded more than pretty much anything else.
I'm a dad too, and I'll smoke with my son when he's old enough some day. I don't want him to have to worry about his dad judging him on everything that he does and just hopes that he does his best to be a good person in this hellworld.
I hear you. I'm lucky enough to not give a fuck what my dad thinks. He can check out my stash anytime he wants!
I really want to get to that point some day. That ability to just tell people to fuck off is super underrated, lmao. This whole situation has really brought some shit to my attention that I need to bring up with my therapist.
I’m annoyed that I have to put up with this shit.
You don't, comrade. Don't let the fucker in your house alone. If it was me I wouldn't let him in my house at all after pulling that, but of course not everybody is in that position socially.
It's a really tough situation. I don't have a whole lot of people in my life right now, and he's been a big support to me the past couple years. I want to appreciate the shit he does for me, but he's the total antithesis of my beliefs and ideals, and refuses to acknowledge boundaries. He's a narcissist with the added advantage of having Jesus on his side, so he can literally never be wrong in any situation. The majority of his family has walked away from him, and he's been divorced 3 times. I'm the last one who acknowledges how shitty he is, but still wants to keep him within arm's length because I care about him. I understand that his undiagnosed mental illness is what makes him who he is.
He's moving 18 hours away in a few weeks, and I feel super divided about it. It'll be nice to have him 6 states away so I'll finally be able to breathe and be who I want to be. But he's also the last support that I have, and despite his extreme toxicity, he's the last family member that I have that still talks to me and makes an effort to check in on me. He's fucked in the head and won't admit it, but he's also my dad and I'm going to miss him. Idk, it's fucking weird.
I fully understand all that comrade. It's weird to care about shitty people, I've been there. The distance is gonna be all around good, though. You still get most of the benefits of him being around without most of the negatives.
The ziplock bag was open and the rolling plate, grinder, bowl, lighters, and bud were thrown in there in a way I normally don’t put them in. He’s literally as evangelical conservative as you can get, and he’s scolded his adult children for drinking or smoking weed in their own homes
Your dad definitely smoked your pot and got high with your cat.
Accuse him of this lmao "Dad did you smoke my weed and get high with my cat? Be honest!"
"I've asked my cat, but i think the cheeky lil rascal is lying to my face. You know how cats are!"
refuses to just fucking relax on her days off and instead create work from thin air.
I live with someone like this and it fucking sucks
Sounds like some kind of anxiety disorder to me. Folks, you never realize how much of this behavior and thinking you internalize from your dysfunctional parents until you get older (and/or go to therapy lol)
I dealt with that for awhile. Did you constantly get roped into taking on impromptu chores and feel like if you were laying on the couch relaxing, you were being a lousy human?
Yes! And if you ever tell them to chill the fuck out, they come back with "well if I don't do this household chore (right the fuck now and at a loud, anxiety-inducing pace) then nobody will! Someone has to do it, right?"
Until basically your options are to either relent and let them do it, or take their place.
holy shit this dealer i lived with for several weeks was exactly like that. he would mumble and curse angrily while cleaning nasty dishes left in the sink by our roommate (that one never would clean his dishes though to be fair…. i would be mad too but probably not that mad)
i was on the other side of that kitchen counter on this janky futon was maybe 4 or 5 feet from the sink. that was a really fun time
Gahh, and when you let them do it, you end up feeling horribly guilty about it! Haha, this shit sucks. But I totally know what you mean when you have to get up and do it with extreme urgency, which just rips you out of what you were doing and focused on at the time.
Gah, why can't parents just understand and respect boundaries? I'm sorry you have to deal with that, but you'll be out eventually.
I moved in with my dad in 2020 after I was going through some stuff, and I lived with him for a year while I saved money and worked on my mental health. But jesus christ, it was really hard putting up with an overbearing evangelical pastor who monitored everything I did like I was a teenager. My then 11-year-old was with me at the same time and it took a toll on him, too.
But the universe played a cruel joke and he moved into the apartment across the parking lot from me, and it's been a big double-edged sword. He'll stop over unannounced after I've told him it gives me extreme anxiety having unexpected drop-ins. If I don't answer the door, he'll look in the window and jiggle the doorknob. His wife and I work for the same company and he'll knock on the door if he sees that I didn't go to work one day. It's fucking awful, and I can't wait until he moves to a different state in a couple months.
Edit: On the plus side, he's helped me move a couple big pieces of furniture and he was checking in on my cat and helping out while my ac has been out. But yeah, that doesn't negate the other extreme bullshit he puts me through.
create work from thin air.
You're just not seeing the things that need to be done.
Possible, but no one's gonna die if the baseboards aren't dusted and shit like that. Life is short, who cares
No. I just came to the realization that my extreme aversion to confrontation comes from my relationship with him. I've spent my whole life avoiding standing up for myself or raising grievances because it'll all just come back on me. He's always in the right, and I shouldn't have the weed in the first place. Sucks ass, lmao.
It matters, comrade :meow-hug: that's really shitty and disrespectful of him, and he doesn't have the right to violate your privacy just because you asked him to check on your cat
It sucks not being treated like a full adult human with rights and preferences by your parents. It's a particular kind of infantilizing that betrays how they see you as their property. Ngl that's a huge part of why I cut contact with mine.
If I were in your position I'd pull him aside and tell him very seriously that if he wants to smoke your weed he needs to ask first, and remind him that it's impolite to go through people's things, like you're the one parenting him. Play that uno reverse card to catch him off guard
Love and solidarity from the shitty parents club :stalin-heart:
Thank you so much, comrade. I'm sorry that you've gone through the same thing, it's really shitty. I hope you're doing better after cutting ties with them. I've never felt like an autonomous adult my entire life because he's always there, judging how I spend my money, disapproving of my non-religion, criticizing my mental shortcomings. It does some damage to someone's confidence!
He's moving to a different state soon, so I'll finally have some breathing room. I'm actually a little scared about not having any parents left near me, though. But I'll just have to reach out and re-establish old connections and make some new friends, and I'll have a support network again.
That's great, sounds like it'll be a healthy change for you even if it'll be a bit of an adjustment! Hope that goes well, and hope he's less of an asshole in the meantime :meow-hug:
That definitely matters. It's always uncomfortable when somone invades your personal space without permission, especially when it's parent. You shouldn't have to deal with that just for asking a favor
Seriously, it feels violating having your belongings and cupboards invaded by someone. Especially when you put something in an out-of-place spot because you don't want it messed with. I wonder what else he rummaged through.
