I'm married and unfortunately for my poor wife I have some kind of hole in my brain that doesn't allow me to notice or care about things being tidy or organized. I'll often get asked why I didn't pick up the trash that was in my path through the apartment or if I noticed the garbage is getting piled up.

I will always do chores when asked, I have no objection to handling the necessary labor of managing a household. The problem is my wife doesn't want to have to ask and I want her to be happier.

I often will try to motivate myself to take stock of each room I'm in before i leave and try to leave it cleaner but after maybe a day or two it's out of my mind. I just don't get any dopamine from things being clean and it's hard to form a habit.

Before I lived with someone else I basically never cleaned until it was severely impacting my daily life, did a big clean that took like an entire weekend, then just let it get just as bad.

How does one break this kind of behaviour? Some kind of shock therapy? Am I a lost cause? My current plan is to write a list of chores and things to check after work before settling in for the night but I'm skeptical as it's not the first chore list I've made.

    • Acute_Engles [he/him, any]
      ·
      2 years ago

      How does one begin to notice shit that needs picking up? The answer to "why didn't you pick up the trash off the floor?" Is always 'what trash? I'll get it now'

      • 20000bannedposters [love/loves]
        ·
        2 years ago

        Where you raised by horders?

        Your floor shouldn't be cluttered with shit. It should be pretty clear all the time.

        Maybe start with just looking down at the floor clean and try to keep it that way.

        In all likelihood your the one dropping shit everywhere. Hold on to your trash and than put it in the trash bin in the nearest room. And your wife is eventually going to get over it.

        • Acute_Engles [he/him, any]
          ·
          2 years ago

          I wasn't ever made to do chores as a kid, so not quite but not much better. As an adult on my own I just never had anyone over.

          I will focus on keeping myself from making more mess that's a good idea.

      • KiaKaha [he/him]
        ·
        2 years ago

        Here’s a really rough rule of thumb:

        Alway maximise visible surface space.

        This applies for floors, benches, tables, dressers, seating, bedding, and cabinets.

        Stuff that can be put away or binned should be put away or binned.

        Stuff that can be grouped together should be grouped together.

        Dirt, stains, smears, should all be wiped up so you can see more of that surface.