I'm married and unfortunately for my poor wife I have some kind of hole in my brain that doesn't allow me to notice or care about things being tidy or organized. I'll often get asked why I didn't pick up the trash that was in my path through the apartment or if I noticed the garbage is getting piled up.
I will always do chores when asked, I have no objection to handling the necessary labor of managing a household. The problem is my wife doesn't want to have to ask and I want her to be happier.
I often will try to motivate myself to take stock of each room I'm in before i leave and try to leave it cleaner but after maybe a day or two it's out of my mind. I just don't get any dopamine from things being clean and it's hard to form a habit.
Before I lived with someone else I basically never cleaned until it was severely impacting my daily life, did a big clean that took like an entire weekend, then just let it get just as bad.
How does one break this kind of behaviour? Some kind of shock therapy? Am I a lost cause? My current plan is to write a list of chores and things to check after work before settling in for the night but I'm skeptical as it's not the first chore list I've made.
Two suggestions:
Every time you get up, see if there's a quick thing in reach to do. Going to the kitchen? Grab a nearby plate or cup that may have been left out. Getting up for any reason? Check for any trash nearby.
Schedule. It'll differ based on your life/work, and how often things need done, but something like:
Sunday: Clean bathroom
Monday: Empty Trash
Tuesday: Clean Kitchen
Wednesday: Laundry
Thursday: Vacuum
Friday: Clean bedroom
Saturday: Clean living spaces
And of course, first week will be a bit rough, but if its something you make yourself get in the habit it of, it should be easy. With the bathroom and kitchen getting specifically cleaned once a week, I find there's not much build up stuff and grime, so it's just a quick sweep, mop, and wipedown, with a little bit of organizing. If you have trouble focusing/remembering to do it, many ways to remind, from setting alarms in your phone, to keeping a checklist.
But I find keeping to a schedule on these things helps keep me from getting in a depression slump I've gotten to in the past of 'ugh, I'll do it tomorrow', which is where I personally start to let stuff slip and pile up, until its a huge stress for me to worry about doing all at once. I know just vaguely cleaning up when its dirty, or cleaning up 'every few days' works for some people, but it hasn't worked for me in the past.