Hi comrades and welcome to the third improvement megathread of March!
We are in the middle of March and there are exactly 2 more full weeks until the end of the month. This is a good time to review your progress so far and set goals or priorities for the rest of the month.
As usual, some discussion ideas:
- Do you want to share something you've done in the previous week? Everything counts, nothing is too small.
- What would you like to do next week?
- Which aspect are you currently focused on improving?
- Do you have any streaks? For example, "sober for one day." Feel free to post your streak every day in this thread.
- If you don't have a continuous streak, did you manage to abstain from something for a day or more?
- Did you come across some useful information or resource that might help others?
Good luck with your goals!
Im thinking about seeing a therapist, mostly for my relationship with my parents and for how my other relationships seem to be affected by it. I'm afraid to go because of liberal mindrot.
mokeydump
My mom shouldnt of had kids, she seemed to have ducked out of responsibility for most of her life and now that I am an adult shes on so many meds that shes basically not the same person. It's so difficult to talk to her that the relationship is effectively dead. She's also been pissing me off about money because she's now obsessing about it (i imagine because she refused to do anything herself) and she's been opening my mail when she gets it and asking about what I get paid. It doesn't feel good, interactions with her feel like transactions.
My dad had a lot of childhood trauma that he'll never resolve, hes too old. He was adopted, his mom died infront of him and his dad hated his guts. He can be really sweet and nice but he's also a trump republican idiot and it makes him well mean and stupid. I can only be around him for so long before he starts saying stupid shit.
They're my parents but I kind of resent them. I dont think it's an immature or indeserved feeling either, I seriously don't know what to do with it. I can try and love them anyway but when I have to look at reality and it reminds me of the consequences I can't bring myself to do it. I don't like having a mediocre job or being a mediocre musician, I could have done better.
I grew up poor and on top of having poor people problems, I was also socially dysfunctional and I kind of wasted my youth just getting through it. I went to college and saw what people look like when they have neither of my two problems for the first time and now that I have disgested it, I havent been able to move on from the shock. I absolutely hate rich people because I can see how all my problems stem from the way resources are taken from my people and exacerbate the problems they already have. If my parents had money or it wasnt an issue maybe they could have seen a therapist or had some time to breath outside of work and having kids to fix the bullshit they have going on.
I'm kind of angry that my parents put me in a hostile environment and neglected me. My friends were doing drugs and fucking at 11, I wasnt doing well in school and they did nothing to fix it. I was just trying to get through it and the standards were so low. It's not their fault though, they both had unresolved problems and werent ready to meet the problems of another human being. Naturally, if my parents are going to be like that and unable to rise through it, what I need to do is rise through my own issues and be a better person for others.
Now I have to pick up the scraps because I feel like I've failed at everything I've attempted. I feel like I was neglected and my environment growing up was hostile. Everything I've done feels like a failure compared to the people I went to school with. I've rationalized that and found some pride to go with it but the objective truth still stands. It's cool what I've done despite what happened but I should have done better and I know it.
My partner is doing pretty well comparatively and I want to make sure I'm not taking any of this out on them and I want to see what can I do to not be toxic. Everything is not perfect but I feel like I've only had a handful of good years in my life and I'm living some of them right now. I don't want to spoil anymore of them with some shit I'm taking with me for no reason.
Hey friend, just wanted to pop in to say that, as someone coming from an abusive family, I understand better than most where you're coming from. Over a decade out from living with them, I still have not fully recovered from those relationships. However, I will say therapy has been a fantastic tool to work through some of those issues and, if you put the effort in, it truly does get easier with time. Wishing you the best of luck moving forward.
Anything useful i should know or say before going into it?
I think just being honest about your experiences and goals goes a long way. It helps to find a therapist that has dealt with family relationship issues (usually they list it somewhere). In general just make sure you feel comfortable with your therapist, they aren't being judgemental, and they ask you engaging questions that get you to open up about your situation and start working through things. At least for me it was extremely difficult to talk about at first, but got easier with each session.