I do think a big part was the relative simplicity of my life back then. I was blessed with a pretty easy, idyllic life until my parents split, after which things got much more complicated. Growing up fast and being immersed in that mundane complexity makes looking past everyday life very hard because everyday life demands more from you and you become more attached to it. I don't think I can uncouple myself from the material stakes of my existence without some kind of chemical intervention