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Orks. They're just a bunch of dudes that want to have fun and pal around. Just guys being guys. Good, honest, salt of the earth types.
Grimdarking the tau was so obnoxious. It was okay to have one underdog faction that weren't total assholes to highlight how bad everything else was.
the least cringe army is the one you play with your friends and go outside with and stop worrying abt this with
all that said it's obviously traitor guard cuz they're humans revolting against fascism. you just have to be Literally Bourgeois to play IG so
luv da orks
luv me dakka
luv me warboss
h8 the humies (not racist, just dont like em)
simple as
oi das racist! humies giv good fites! an good fites are full o dakka!
Wot da zogg didja jus' zoggin say ubbout meeb, ya lil' slag? Meeb’ll ab y'knowz meeb graduateded top o' mi class in da blood axes, an meeb’ve bin involveded in lotza secret raids on Al-qwaeda, an meeb ab ober 300 confirmeded kills. Meeb be traineded in gorilla warfare an meeb’m da top snipa in da entire speed freak armed forcz. Yer nuffin ter meeb but jus' anodder target. Meeb will wipe ya da zogg owt wif per-cision da likz o' which az neva bin seun before on dis Urth, mark mi zoggin wurdz. Ya tink ya kan git away wif sayin' dat ploppaz ter meeb ober da warpnet? Tink again, fucka. As weeb speak meeb be contactin' mi secret network o' sneakin' gitz across da WAAAGH an yer IP iz bein' traced roight nows so ya bedda per-pare fer da storm, maggot. Da storm dat wipz owt da weedy lil' fing ya calls yer life. Ya’re zoggin dead, kid. Meeb kan be anywhere, anytime, an meeb kan kills ya in ober sevin 'undred ways, an dat’s jus' wif mi bair 'ands. Nub onlee be meeb offen traineded in unarmeded fightin, but meeb ab accez ter da entire arsenul o' da boyz an meeb will use it ter its full extent ter wipe yer mizrable ass off da mug o' da continent, ya lil' ploppaz. If onlee ya cud ab known wot unholee retribushun yer lil' “cleva” communt was ubbout ter brin' down upon ya, maybe ya wuud ab 'eld yer zoggin tongue. But ya couldnt, ya didn’t, an nows ya’re payin' da price, ya goddamn git. Meeb will ploppaz fury awl ober ya an ya will drown innit. Ya’re zoggin dead, umie.
Ya’re zoggin dead, umie.
'UMIE?! DAS IT!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
The Necrons might be the only faction that actually knows what it's doing. They're still pricks who will disintegrate you for seemingly no reason, but at least they won't insist that you "deserve" it.
Also, their healthcare is the best in the galaxy.
Tau with lots of auxiliaries. The whole universe is shit, but at least you can be multiethnic space communists.
Tyranids are also cool become nom nom nom. They aren't too bad to paint using the dipping technique.
That would be Imperial propaganda, Gue'la. The Gue'vesa are simply humans who understand the value of the Greater Good and seek to protect these enlightened values in a hostile galaxy.
We joke, but this literally could be true. Humans in the Imperium love shit that could be better than the drudgery of life (genestealer cults, chaos, etc), why wouldn't tau propaganda appeal to a certain amount of hive worlders
not originally, the whole ''they're mind controlled by the ethereals'' and other shady stuff they supposedly do is some rather recent bullshit they started introducing into the lore because the raging fans complained that the T'au were simply too good and not ''grimdark enough''
The Space Marines being indoctrinated Catholic Turbofash is what makes them fun. Much of the player base and most of the writers have forgotten this, but WH40k was originally a bonkers space-opera-fantasy heavily inspired by Heavy Metal and it's satires of Thatcherite Britain. It's not supposed to be taken seriously and half the fun is how outlandishly, ridiculously evil all the factions are. Imperial commanders are supposed to be the most unhinged fascist ideologues screaming incoherent racist gibberish from the top of their shitty tanks while they drive directly in to the guns of the enemy with no interest or concern in preserving the life of their own troops.
Spess Mehrines are in a weird place bc they ended up being the posterboys for the whole setting and overwhelmingly sell the most models, but they are very much the bad guys. They're genocidal and xenophobic transhuman monsters who exist only to kill and bring ruin and devastation everywhere they go. Unfortunately the writers, again, have kind of forgotten they're the baddies and keep buffing them up as noble and heroic, which is really bad actually because it attracts all kinds of fash to the hobby.
For a better example look at, say, the orks - The space orks are an entire space-faring civilization of rowdy football hooligans who exist for no other purpose than to wander the stars looking to start planetary scale drunken punch-ups. They're silly. They have all kinds of goofy weapons that blow up their own troops, the dress ridiculously, and they make all their gear out of trash.
The Eldar are "Elves are better than you" turned up to 11, making them an entire species of completely obnoxious backstabbing pricks. They're better than you, they know they're better than you, and they have no compunctions about disposing of you like any other tool. The Dark Eldar are better than you, but edgier and powered by magical SA.
Chaos is a faction of totally incoherent puppy kicking always chaotic evil psychos who don't really have any purpose beyond fucking shit up. They have Noise Marines that play heavy metal so hard it makes your brain explode and blows up tanks. They've got naked demon groupies. They've got Nurgle, who actually loves you and genuinely wants to be your friend and patron, you just have to accept the plagues that go with it. They've got Tzeentch who apparently exists just to come up with really complicated plots within plots that never end and never accomplish anything. And then there's Khorne because BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD SKULLS FOR HIS SKULL THRONE.
And then there's the Tyranids, which aren't really funny but they do have a lot of cool models.
IDK, if you read it straight it's a horrible fashy product that no one should touch, but if you remember that the grimdark is supposed to be ridiculous and over the top and the whole thing is sometimes self-parody it's a lot of fun.
Here's a link to the trans marxist warhammer shitposting subreddit
IDK, if you read it straight it’s a horrible fashy product that no one should touch
I mean, its mostly bad because they turned a funky wild Science Fantasy war game into an endless shameless pay2win cash grab.
Like, Risk is a fashy product. Monopoly gets fashy at the wrong table. But I can drop $20 on a box and toss is in the trash after a game or two with no regrets.
Warhammer is a hundred to get your foot in the door. And its a whole ordeal to learn how to paint and play.
Fashy war games are a dime a dozen. I'm more pissed at how Warhammer is such a time and money suck. All to hang out with the worst people.
All true. No lies detected. 3d printed models and resin cast models give me great joy.
Yeah. The fandom is trash and Games Worshop just lets it happen without shutting that shit down. The problem is always that satires of Fascism tend to appeal to fascists and they just take the parts they like and ignore the message that "This is bad actually".
Protip - You can shove a small bluetooth speaker in to a Land Raider and make it sing the Soviet National Anthem at people.
Ever seen a real live WAAAGH turn the tide for the adjacent tables of Ork players?
No but that sounds amazing. Orks were my faction when I played and I'm proud to say that every vehicle I had was made out of styrene, pieces of sprue, and kitbashed parts of other models.
This is the tone it should all have.
It's ok for them all to be evil if they're also portrayed as utterly ridiculous, literal walking jokes. They problem is they've been portrayed as serious a lot of times not and it's all a mess.
Hmm, my Rogue Trader game has had the actual Captain die of Warp Sickness (player left the game), and now the ship is under the command of their former mercenary Ork Freebooter. A Tau Firewarrior is the security officer, and the only remaining human Player Character command staff are the Astropath (Space Psychic), and the Seneschal (Space Accountant).
Last game the Astropath decided to try to do a :jesse-wtf:-style deal for Space Drugs on an asteroid colony with a "Narco-Tribe" Lieutenant who was also a Big Texas Oil Baron in a 10-Gallon Hat (or that's how I played him). He sampled too much of the Spice & ended up having paranoid hallucinations in which everyone around him was a harlequin & the boss was man with a snake-face & gemstone eyes; which unsurprisingly caused the deal to go south.
In the process of trying to explode the Big Texas Snake-Drug-Man's head with his psychic powers, the Astropath accidentally swapped his own mind with that of the Ork Captain's.
Madness ensued.
WH40k Lore: In the grimdark grimdark there is only grimdarkening grimdark
WH40k TTPRGs: "So if we attach the promethium to the squig then throw bacon at the chaos space marines it will create a breach that we can use to send the underhive clown biker gang directly in to the heart of the moonie-expy cult's central sanctum! We'll cover our attack by having the Thunderhawk do low swoops while playing smooth jazz!
I don't follow W40k closely, but you should go ask this in r/sigmarxism. It's one of the few acceptable communities and they'll have strong opinions on this.
Among the Space Marines, the Salamanders are typically considered the most "good guy" of all the sub-factions. They actually live normal lives among the people of their planet when they're not fighting, so you get the feeling that they actually care for the people of the Imperium and aren't just warrior-monks completely up their own ass with visions of glory and battle or whatever.
The cool thing about 40K though is that you can make up whatever you want and claim that it exists somewhere in the galaxy, and nobody can contradict your canon because that's literally how the entire hobby works. My army is Sisters, but they're not based on any established convent and my plans are to get a bunch of Soviet decals to put all over them and say that they're a revolutionary vanguard, because "why not?"
If youz rilly wanna play a non-krinj armee, youz best bet iz by'in a hole messa Grotz n billding Da GRC as a "counts as" army.
You'll never grow old and you'll never die and that's a huge problem.
