i was definitely self medicating for a while, though at the time i don't think i recognized it. if i had weed, it meant my living space was clean/organized, i was showing up to commitments on time / ready to go, and i was taking on creative projects in my free time.
if i didn't, i would just sort of get through my days as best i could and just try to avoid catastrophes.
so probably depression and some anxiety. the MJ would put me into a mindset of wanting to channel my anxious energy into something productive so i could feel better about relaxing later, if that makes sense.
as i settled into later adulthood, i would meet people who were supposedly "into" weed and like +90% of them were completely different. if they got high, they didn't do shit all day and just sank into the couch eating trash snacks. it was the rare weirdo who was like me, where if i was suddenly stoned at home and not having to entertain people, i was doing yoga, working out, organizing a toolshed, or deep cleaning the kitchen. and listening to sweet jams of course.
i've always lived in pretty severe prohibition states and it's difficult to imagine what my life would be like if i could just do my thing and not have the threat of prison, career destruction, and social stigma for it.... though i'm assuming it would have been more chill.
i was definitely self medicating for a while, though at the time i don't think i recognized it. if i had weed, it meant my living space was clean/organized, i was showing up to commitments on time / ready to go, and i was taking on creative projects in my free time.
if i didn't, i would just sort of get through my days as best i could and just try to avoid catastrophes.
so probably depression and some anxiety. the MJ would put me into a mindset of wanting to channel my anxious energy into something productive so i could feel better about relaxing later, if that makes sense.
as i settled into later adulthood, i would meet people who were supposedly "into" weed and like +90% of them were completely different. if they got high, they didn't do shit all day and just sank into the couch eating trash snacks. it was the rare weirdo who was like me, where if i was suddenly stoned at home and not having to entertain people, i was doing yoga, working out, organizing a toolshed, or deep cleaning the kitchen. and listening to sweet jams of course.
i've always lived in pretty severe prohibition states and it's difficult to imagine what my life would be like if i could just do my thing and not have the threat of prison, career destruction, and social stigma for it.... though i'm assuming it would have been more chill.