:yea: https://www.detroitnews.com/story/news/local/oakland-county/2022/09/11/walled-lake-man-killed-police-after-killing-wife-shooting-daughter/8058356001/

  • NothingButACommodity [it/its]
    ·
    edit-2
    2 years ago

    Edit: sorry, I think I'm supposed to do a CW if I express suicidal intent. So... Content Warning.

    Pretty sure I'm soon going to go out in a very similar way in the near future, only from a leftist perspective of hopelessness and extreme alienation instead of rightwing batshittery. But I suspect the fw people who still know me tangentially will chalk it up to the same thing. So I have a sense of solidarity with people like that (ones who just off themselves, not ones who hurt others), Even so, if it's racist conspiracies that pushed them over the edge, then fuck them, no sympathy.

      • NothingButACommodity [it/its]
        ·
        2 years ago

        Good. Pass those fucking conservative (fascist) shitfuckers, outlive them and do good revolutionary work. Stick around as long as you can, comrade. I wish I had your resolve but I just don't. It's already so bad and it's quickly getting worse, and personally, I just can't do it. But all the more power to those who can.

        • MaeBorowski [she/her]
          ·
          2 years ago

          Maybe inappropriate but I really do mean it: :meow-hug:

          Please stay and help?

          • NothingButACommodity [it/its]
            ·
            2 years ago

            If I had a community like this IRL? Sure. I'd stick around. I could make something of my small individual self with the help of people who cared about me and shared a leftist vision. But I don't. IRL, I'm surrounded b chuds and if I'm lucky, liberals. The only community worth having is online, and whenever I get too attached to that, it just means it's time to touch grass. I should have checked out a long time ago. I'm happy the world might be soon seeing som multipolarity. But the part of it where I am living is also going to see a rise of fascism that I don't even want to try to survive. I have no community irl and I can't will that into changing. As much as I'd like to. yay idealism.

              • NothingButACommodity [it/its]
                ·
                2 years ago

                Where all the hexbears live?? :matt-jokerfied: That would be nice, but nah, I don't think it works like that. I actually live in what's supposed to be a "progressive" area, but that just means rich people here are making it impossible for poor people to get by. I don't have the financial, mental, or emotional means to go anywhere unfortunately.

                • usernamesaredifficul [he/him]
                  ·
                  2 years ago

                  How about Cuba. if you're thinking of killing yourself you might as well consider upheaving your life instead.

                  • NothingButACommodity [it/its]
                    ·
                    2 years ago

                    I'd love to. But I feel like if that were possible, lots of people would be headed there. From what I know (not much), it's not easy to get to Cuba, let alone secure citizenship. Without any money or skills especially. If I'm wrong about that, then yes, let me please go live in Cuba.

            • RedDawn [he/him]
              ·
              2 years ago

              I’m seconding the idea of looking into moving as an option. It’s worth a shot if your current situation is that hopeless. And I’m speaking from some experience, I left the US months ago for Latin America, unfortunately I’m going back in another few months to try to break into a decent paying industry, where I plan to work for a few years tops and then get the fuck out again… just being out of USA for a few months has really given me a chance to catch my breath and realize that there is so much more out there than the horrors of American capitalism. Not that things are perfect anywhere, but there are places that don’t grind you to a pulp the way American capitalism insists on doing to the poor.

              • NothingButACommodity [it/its]
                ·
                2 years ago

                I hear you and I thank you for the advice. Also good luck with your own moving and finding decent work in Amerikkka and/or Latam, however that ends up working out. I'm a drug addict NEET, so prospects aren't great for me going anywhere. Doesn't mean I'm not grateful to people here being kind and offering ideas.

                • Commander_Data [she/her]
                  ·
                  2 years ago

                  I could tell you that we need good people like you to stick around and help us make a better world, or that if you could break free of this prison of trauma your story could be a beacon to others stuck in the mire, or a thousand other things to give you a reason to go on and get the help you deserve, but I won't. What I will say is this, I know at some point in your life you've experienced joy. At least a brief glimpse of happiness and contentment. You deserve to feel that again, and often. Life isn't always full of joy, but I truly believe there is more of it out there than not. You are worth that. No matter who you are, you are worth living.

                  • NothingButACommodity [it/its]
                    ·
                    2 years ago

                    Thank you. I'm not sure what else to say but thanks. I feel in my bones that everything you said is true, correct. I know there really is, like you said, more joy out there to be had. But I have been in many ways, including declining physical health, just cut off from it. There are walls and fences that have to be climbed to even have hope of reaching that fleeting joy, and for some people, they just don't have the energy or ability to climb them anymore. Certainly not without the help of friends and community irl.

    • UlyssesT
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      edit-2
      19 days ago

      deleted by creator

      • KiaKaha [he/him]
        ·
        edit-2
        2 years ago

        Thesis: I’m all alone.

        Antithesis: I’m not alone.

        Synthesis: We’re all alone together.

        • UlyssesT
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          edit-2
          19 days ago

          deleted by creator

      • NothingButACommodity [it/its]
        ·
        2 years ago

        Thank you. I will try to comment more often. Not sure if that will change much, but I'll try. This place really is the only place left where I feel like there's still a sense of camaraderie or real solidarity.

        • UlyssesT
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          edit-2
          19 days ago

          deleted by creator

    • corgiwithalaptop [any, love/loves]M
      ·
      2 years ago

      Hi, I might not be able to offer much insight, but if you ever need an ear, please reach out! People here care, and the world is better with you in it.

    • CTHlurker [he/him]
      ·
      2 years ago

      Have you posted this before? Because I think you and I had a brief interaction a month or so ago. I tried being as cheerful as I could, but it can be hard to convince people who are lonely and alienated that they actually are deserving of love and compassion, and that there is a reason to hope for a brighter future.

      • NothingButACommodity [it/its]
        ·
        2 years ago

        Sorry, I just now saw this. No, I don' t think I spoke with you before, but I could be wrong. My memory is pretty fucked up these days, and I do use different accounts to post a rare comment here and there. I've seen other people post similar things too (which is part of the reason I don't feel so alone here on hexbear), so it maybe wasn't me but someone else in a bad place? If it was me you spoke to, I apologize that I don't remember. Whatever the case, thank you. Your compassion is appreciated, and it's the people like you who make this place the only place on the internet, the only "social media" I ever actually feel comfortable enough to speak to others on.

        I'd also like to say that I don't want you or anyone else here to feel any kind of obligation to convince me (or others who are probably on their way out) of a brighter future. Again, it is appreciated, truly it is. But my despair is the fault of my own failures in life, and much more so the fault of this fucked up capitalist machine, this juggernaut that dehumanizes and alienates everyone. I know (or at least I'd like to think) that I am as you say, deserving of love and compassion, deserving of a brighter future. But many of us are simply just cut off from that, whether we deserve it or not. A little bit of solidarity and kindness, and even just friendly interaction from a stranger on the internet does help with how alone I (and presumably others) feel though, so again... thank you.