I've noticed that in recent months it takes me hours to get started on work each day. Like, I might try to start at 7:00 but I'm not really getting much done till like 10:00 or 11:00. It's a problem since I'm paid piecemeal and not hourly, so the sooner I start the sooner I get done (and I want to be done as soon as possible). But I find that I spend so much time screwing around in the morning. Eventually I do get going and I'm pretty focused. But the first few hours are rough. Every day I kick myself for not getting started sooner, and every day I repeat it.

It's not depression. I do (relatively) enjoy the work I do. My current theory is I'm just majorly sleep deprived (I have little kids), so my brain is kinda mush and unfocused when I wake up. Curious if anyone has any ideas or if you have something similar going on.

  • AncomCosmonaut [he/him,any]
    ·
    2 years ago

    Have you looked into the phenomenon of initiation deficit? It tends to be associate with brain injuries but in my personal, anecdotal experience it also turns up a lot in just people who have experienced trauma. I know I have it... really bad. Like to the point that I can't get started on something I've been deeply looking forward to. I get paralyzed. It's difficult to explain to people who don't experience it. It's like a narcolepsy of action. Even a narcolepsy of joy. I don't have any good links on hand (sorry) but here is something that at a glance seems to get into it a little and more importantly, offers some coping mechanisms. I haven't vetted it, so to speak.

    u/harajukum mentions "exective dysfunction." This is a very related term (I believe broader in meaning) that is also worth researching. It's come up a few times on hexbear. Hopefully it's searchable now.

    Anyway, solidarity to you comrade. I struggle with this shit immensely and I wish I had some solid answers for you.