I quit drinking recently (just hit a month wow), and so far it's been fine because I'm spending all of my time alone or working/doing errands. I don't like drinking alone so it's been fine, but where I live now the ENTIRE social scene is bars and clubs, so I can't meet anyone without being sober in a room full of extremely drunk people. I don't like clubs to begin with, and there's not really any quiet, sit down pubs around here where I could just get a soda and relax.
I used to pound drinks with my buds, but now that I'm seeing demonstrable health benefits of quitting (I have epilepsy and alcohol was giving me seizures) it's getting less justifiable to consider drinking again. I could smoke weed but it often makes me quiet and awkward when alcohol makes me outgoing and confident, which is what I really need right now. Also weed makes me shit at darts and pool.
sort of stream of consciousness here, but I was sober all through college and it wasn't too bad.
I think one thing to remember is that when people are drunk, they don't know or notice that you're NOT drunk. So you can still lean into being goofy and silly and whatever.
One of the lessons that stuck with me from psychology is that study where they gave people non-alcoholic beer, but didn't tell them, and people still thought they were drunk and acted like it. One guy even peed on a wall or something.
So go! Pee on that (hopefully metaphorical wall)! Lean into the atmosphere and energy, if you can.
This is very encouraging, I hadn't considered the fact that drunk people don't know that I'm not drunk. I still feel like alcohol is social boost even once I'm sober, like it's reminding me how to loosen up and present myself as a normal human being. I guess pretending to be drunk is practicing "fake it till I make it"
Just doing something to quell the anxiety and social awkwardness has always been one of the largest benefits for me.
I really wish smoking didn't give you lung cancer and all the other diseases because it's such a great excuse to leave an uncomfortable situation.
Just leave and go outside to stand with the smokers. Being a non smoker doesn't mean you can't go out and talk with the gang, "just needs some air" otherwise. It's all good.
Just carry a giant flask of water (or green tea?) and do whatever you want. If anyone asks to have a sip of what you're drinking tell them that they can't handle it.
If they lift it off you and discover that it's non-alcoholic say "you can't handle sobriety" and send them into instant depression.
edit: on a more serious note; I'm seeing a push in the marketplace for low ABV products. Like "Non-alcoholic" IPAS, Kombucha with trace amounts, and Kvass with like 1% abv. I don't know if having something like that available would make it feel less jarring and still be healthy but I'd keep an eye out.
The comfort level is entirely in your own head.
Anyone paying attention to whether you're drunk or not doesn't matter. And any level of discomfort you have is purely you feeling like people are being silly because drunk when you can be that silly too and would be if you had had a few and nobody would give a shit. If nobody would give a shit if you were drunk, nobody will give a shit while you're sober either.
Lastly, you can always drive the group. The group's driver gets zero hassle and the right to boss everyone around with "you wanna walk home mate?"
Find some nice, relaxing non-alcoholic drinks. You can get virgin hot toddies, for example. Or a nice lavender-infused whatever. Like the other commenter said, you can also bring your own, at least as a backup.
Part of the relaxation is just having a nice beverage with fun people, having a little snack, and so on.
Also you might appreciate CBD so far as weed stuff goes. It's barely psychoactive (if at all), mostly just makes you feel a little fuzzy and relaxed. Also anti-inflammatory and helps with any pain. It might not make you feel like clamming up, could have the opposite effect since it tends to attenuate the effects of THC. It's nice to feel nice but not have a huge dopamine flash, just mild good body vibes.
Also to actually answer your question: I don't really feel uncomfortable around people who are drinking when I'm sober. The only time I might is when others get too drunk and are bothering people or making a situation dangerous, but that also makes me feel uncomfortable when I've been drinking, too. What makes you uncomfortable around the lushes? Is it just that you feel like the odd one out, or is it something else?
Also there has to be a place to sit down and relax somewhere. If it didn't violate opsec I could try to help you find a place, ha. Look for some alt music spaces with warm vibes, coffee shops that also have alcohol, food shops that are a little too comfy and laid back and are clearly meant to let people hang out for a few hours.
If you're just avoiding alcohol and don't have a problem with other stuff, ive found kratom to be a good social drug
I watched my friend withdraw from frequent kratom use and it was pretty awful. I'm afraid to touch the stuff.
I took one pill and it didn't do anything. Glad I didn't try it again, he spent days withdrawing feeling sick as a dog. He said it was worse than his first time quitting drinking.
It's wild to me that people get withdrawals from Kratom, I can use it every day for most of a year and have never experienced any side effects if I don't touch it for a few weeks. It almost completely eliminates my alcohol cravings too.
When I first started quitting drinking I tried kava kava which was disgusting but had a very comfortable, social feel to it. Eventually, I just got used to being sober tho, but I also spend much less time around heavy drinkers nowadays.
My concern is that I have no social life right now, and the whole social scene here is based on getting wasted or going to the type of events (like small house shows) that I feel super uncomfortable at and would have to be wasted to enjoy.
I mean, do what you wanna do, I'm not judging or anything, but there tends to be plenty of stuff out there that isn't "The Scene" ya know? Taking classes, hitting the gym, bowling leagues, doing yoga, nerdy board game groups, book clubs. Don't be afraid to explore a bit, especially if you're trying to push yourself into a scene you're not comfortable in.
Ya know, you're right. I've been making excuses saying I'm too busy during the day to do anything but work and I have to socialize at night, but I have the time in there. I do love pool and darts, and the only time I could potentially play would be right when bars open on weekdays before it's crowded. No bowling though, fuck bowling.
Lol I haven't bowled in years, but the last time I did I was shamefully bad, and I was bowling with some Germans who did the classic German thing of being extremely blunt without intending to be. I'll never forget my friend looking me in the eyes and saying "that wasn't too bad for someone with no form" without any hesitation or humor. He was trying to be nice which is the best part.
Also there's no bowling alleys around here. I live in a rural place with no car so anywhere outside downtown is a more or less a nonstarter, at least for now.
Are you adverse to micro dosing mushrooms? They're a good social lubricant, and have the added bonus of clearing out depression and addictions
My epilepsy medication negates the effects of hallucinogens ):
I used to love mushrooms. My family had a group mushroom trip that I had to sit out on because of my meds, it was quite the bummer.
Aww man, that's a bummer. I know you have to take those meds, but that's exactly why I am anti pills. I'm terrified of SSRIs
I'm also anti pill and wish I could stop taking them. My seizures are the reason I'm quitting drinking (have to quit caffeine too, sadly) but I wish there was another way to get them under control. Thankfully these aren't SSRIs because those would fuck me up, and prior meds have made me very depressed, but with these the only major side effect is that I can't do mushrooms and I get drunk faster.
That's very unfortunate. I see that you can't do caffeine, that was going to be another (probably terrible) suggestion. High enough doses of caffeine make me feel high and social.
Yeah so far the only good drug for me seizure wise is weed. Kind of a bummer socially.
Maybe you can find a strain that puts a little pep in your step. Prevailing wisdom is now saying to pay more attention to the terpines, and indica/sativa are basically meaningless.
One thing I enjoy doing is browsing Leafly to see what people are saying about certain strains, then keeping an eye out for them
Huh. I've never really been on meds in my adult life, I only pick up bits and pieces of what stops people from tripping from psychedelic forums. Stuff like that makes me nervous. I don't want to take something that prevents a different part of my brain from experiences. I guess I should thank my lucky stars I don't have to make that choice
Some people say that mushrooms can still work if they take double or triple their normal dose, but I don't wanna triple my dose to find out that the meds aren't inhibiting me and be on an unexpected wild ride.
For real. You don't want to see your ancestors morph out of a pillar of eyes at the pub.
