No doxxing of course. And I don't want people getting nsfw without warning. A comrade made a beautiful comment and I want to do more to welcome conversations if I can.
And sometimes we can use a little catharsis.
No doxxing of course. And I don't want people getting nsfw without warning. A comrade made a beautiful comment and I want to do more to welcome conversations if I can.
And sometimes we can use a little catharsis.
I still practice, ah, negative self-talk very frequently, like multiple times a day.
CW: Suicidal ideation
spoiler
Whenever I remember something stupid that I've done I'll reflexively think or whisper something like "jesus christ fucking kill yourself", "I want you to die", "please kill yourself you idiot", or something to that effect. The weird thing is that I don't really mean it that much anymore, it's more of a reflexive hail mary type absolution. I'll say it or think it and then go on with what I was doing. I moved back in with my mom after graduating in the winter and I haven't slipped up and done it verbally in front of her yet, but if I do I don't think it'll go over well - it took her a long time to recover and feel like I was safe after my last suicide threat a few years ago, and even then I think she'll always be a little on edge because of it.
Additionally I'm still unsure about my gender identity and the way my mother and sister have responded to me opening up about it has made me even less willing to tell the rest of my family. Even worse, it's altered the way I'm thinking about it. I've become more fixated on trying to "prove" what I'm feeling and what I am and turned something that I was confused about to something I am very anxious about, so I just avoid it for the most part :transshork-sad:
Also this is a cool idea for a thread. We love to see it
Whoa, I do literally the same thing with the negative self-talk, but I've never been suicidal or "meant it". Never thought somebody else might have the same compulsion.
There are dozens of us!