Does anybody know how to help me stop feeling miserable all the time & to find people who care about me?

I have a couple of genuine IRL stressors that are really negatively affecting my mood. As well as time-related & distance related limitations to seeing anyone professionally about my problems & actually going anywhere to meet people. They mostly all revolve around my job, and the physical condition of my body; but IDK, they're probably not as bad as a number of other people's on here.

The real thing here is though, that I always feel fuckin' deeply ashamed of my own person, & who I am. That I'm not capable of what I want to be capable, and that I'm still not really independent by 30 (or I will be 30 in november I guess).

And I'm entirely horrified by the prospect of going to meet anyone new. Any new social encounter is just another opportunity for me to embarrass myself, or make myself & everyone around me feel fucking miserable. It doesn't matter how "outgoing" I try to be, or how much I try to approach people in good faith. Everything always turns to shit, and I can't ever help myself from making it worse.

I figured that this is something that most people on the site know already, but in case anyone wonders I do also have ASD; which, aside from the fact that I have already had a more animated thread about similar feelings to these in c/mentalhealth, is why I'm posting this here.

Rules

1.) ableist language=post or comment will probably get removed (enforced case by case, some comments will be removed and restored due to complex situations). repeated use of ableist language=banned from comm and possibly site depending on severity. properly tagged posts with CW can use them for the purposes of discussing them

2.) always assume good faith when dealing with a fellow nd comrade especially due to lack of social awareness being a common symptom of neurodivergence

2.5) right to disengage is rigidly enforced. violations will get you purged from the comm. see rule 3 for explanation on appeals

3.) no talking over nd comrades about things you haven't personally experienced as a neurotypical chapo, you will be purged. If you're ND it is absolutely fine to give your own perspective if it conflicts with another's, but do so with empathy and the intention to learn about each other, not prove who's experience is valid. Appeal process is like appealing in user union but you dm the nd comrade you talked over with your appeal (so make it a good one) and then dm the mods with screenshot proof that you resolved it. fake screenies will get you banned from the site, we will confirm with the comrade you dm'd.

3.5) everyone has their own lived experiences, and to invalidate them is to post cringe. comments will be removed on a case by case basis depending on determined level of awareness and faith

4.) Interest Policing will not be tolerated in any form. Support your comrades in their joy!

Further rules to be added/ rules to be changed based on community input

RULES NOTE: For this community more than most we understand that the clarity and understandability of these rules is very important for allowing folks to feel comfortable, to that end please don't be afraid to be outspoken about amendments and addendums to these rules, as well as any we may have missed