WHERE TO GET THE BOOK: http://libgen.is/book/index.php?md5=F6B31A8DAFD6BD39A5986833E66293E6
PRIOR THREADS:
So again, been a minute. I've been dealing with a lot of shit, and kept putting this off because I really didn't want to half-ass it. So I guess I'm using three quarters of my ass here.
In chapter 4, Dr. Price goes over the various flawed ways masked autistics keep themselves going just to function, and how incredibly debilitating the effects of all this are. Namely substance abuse, eating disorders, detachment/disassociation, adherence to rigid belief systems, and fawning/people-pleasing. I've experienced all of these to some degree or another myself, and have been working extremely hard to find my way out of the dark forest. I keep bumping into trees (social problems).
Anyway, Dr Price talks about how booze and weed are seen as gateways to social acceptance since it makes you more relaxed and people expect "goofy" behavior out of the inebriated. Eating disorders allow us to be focused on being thin and pretty, or else just burying our feelings under a mountain of junk food, or binging and purging -- anything to seize some control. Detachment/disassociation allow us to function, technically, even when internally we just have to shut down and carry on with what we're doing. Rigid belief systems? Very good way to easily sort out "good" and "bad" things and people. Fawning? Something every socially successful autistic person has fallen back on at some point as reflexive self-defense, but also a strategy people lean into to be liked (but not respected).
The reasons for these behaviors are pretty plain to see, as is the damage they do to us. This one resonated with me a lot; I'll have to take some time to write out my thoughts in full later on, but I wanted to get this one posted because I've been putting it off long enough. Discussion questions:
- As usual, any passages or quotes that really stick out to you? Anything confusing or enlightening?
- What flawed coping strategies have you used to get through life? What has it cost you?
- Are you still struggling with any of these? Are you starting to realize you're struggling and just didn't notice the specific way yet?
Tag post to follow, my own thoughts later on.
I can see each of these coping mechanisms throughout my family, especially substance abuse. Dissociation/detachment and fawning/people-pleasing is definitely me. For most of school I was zoned out and basically felt like a floating brain in a jar and was just complying with whatever I was told to do. Me and my mom are very similar and I think my mom also uses these same masking techniques.
As a kid I was often "difficult" would be punished for it, so I overcompensated by being a model student or "good kid" in every way I could. I was praised for it even though it was killing me. How terribly sad and tragic that these things slip by unnoticed. And then when you're falling apart, it's seen as a personal failing. Like "laziness".
Oops, sorry I missed this. Is anyone else who's tagged not getting notifications?
Passage that stuck out:
To cope with the pressure of masking, many Autistics disappear into our own heads. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard an Autistic person say they wish they could just be a floating brain in a jar, or a dark, sentient mist with no physical form.
It's me! I hate having a body. All it does is cause me pain. Just let me read in peace, dammit.
Weird, I'll try reposting the tags
Still nothing. Just the notification from this post. Very strange. I've actually never had a successful tag from this book club - every time I've seen the threads it's been because of stickies or because I was already browsing /c/neurodiverse. Before this one I thought it was because of the known "if someone replies to a post it counts as 'read' " bug that afflicts the whole site.
This chapter was basically a list of
Show
I've come to understand that most--if not all-- the coping mechanisms mentioned in this chapter were what I used to build my mask, and it has taken a heavy toll. Masking has been detrimental to my physical and mental health, but it was encouraged by social situations and NT people who, looking back, normalized their own toxic behaviors by pushing their unspoken rules on me through bullying and social pressure. At this point I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that things are more difficult for me than neurotypicals, and that accepting this means I need to be "willing to be more Autistic" in order to be my most authentic self.
It's terrifying...anxiety inducing...but I can't turn back now that I know and have faced the truth about myself. My mask is crumbling, and through the cracks the beauty of who I am and can be has started to shine through.
Need to re-read chapter 4 since I read ahead a while ago. Will post some thoughts later.
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