Throw away account lmao, I just get a huge amount of anxiety and dread every time the subject is even broached. Going to college is the end of it all, the true beginning of being tossed into the American world of exploitation and privatized idiocy. Am I just being childish? I need to do this, I kind of want to do this, but I need to make something of myself. I just keep running into a wall and going :cri:, freezing until I put it off in some way.

I'm slacking in my work, and my theory as well, senioritis is hitting hard, and it isn't even the end of the fucking year! I keep missing fucking assignments, and I know they are there, that I need to do them, I just put them off and read something else. I'm royally fucked. In the head.

Like, am I even going to be alive long enough for this devotion to college to be useful? Will I even learn anything worthwhile other than overall demeaning social experiences with american liberals who are already enough of a hassle to deal with on their own. I can't even interact right with the ML I know IRL!! I could be something! Or nothing! god just let me die! Or let me live! I don't even know where I'm at! I'm being dramatic.

I may not even want to go. Does that even matter? I'm more scared of being a worthless chump, with no special skills people may want, or no way to truly contribute. I want to be useful, but I'm so fucking scared! I feel like I'm ripping apart my own mind! I can't fucking sleep anymore! I can't even work on assignments correctly!

AND I ACCIDENTALLY SUBMITTED MY HALF FINISHED APPLICATION :kitty-cri-screm:

Im so fucked

  • Phish [he/him, any]
    ·
    2 years ago

    You're totally not fucked. Not any more than everyone else is, anyway. College is some daunting shit at your age, but it's not a big deal once you're there doing it all. It's just one of the first major life changes you'll go through so it feels more significant right now than it really is.

    You're right, college is part of being thrown into the world of exploitation, but the good news is it's not actually the beginning of that. You're already in it. You're already managing it, and simply by recognizing that it exists you already have a leg up on a bunch of your peers. The fact that you want to be useful seems to suggest that you'll find a way to be.

    College isn't for everyone. I wasn't sure if it was for me so I went to community college for a few years before I went to a university. It's way cheaper and it gave me time to think about what I was actually interested in. If you're feeling too much anxiety about the whole thing that's not a bad option. College can be pretty fun if you play your cards right. If you poke around long enough at most schools, you'll find like-minded people. I know we make a lot of jokes about American colleges just being lib factories but I know a lot of people, myself included, who started that way and shifted further and further left during those years.

    I guess the last thing I'd say is that, in my opinion, an education is never a waste of time. It might be a waste of money, but that's a different story. Learn as much as you can.