Throw away account lmao, I just get a huge amount of anxiety and dread every time the subject is even broached. Going to college is the end of it all, the true beginning of being tossed into the American world of exploitation and privatized idiocy. Am I just being childish? I need to do this, I kind of want to do this, but I need to make something of myself. I just keep running into a wall and going :cri:, freezing until I put it off in some way.

I'm slacking in my work, and my theory as well, senioritis is hitting hard, and it isn't even the end of the fucking year! I keep missing fucking assignments, and I know they are there, that I need to do them, I just put them off and read something else. I'm royally fucked. In the head.

Like, am I even going to be alive long enough for this devotion to college to be useful? Will I even learn anything worthwhile other than overall demeaning social experiences with american liberals who are already enough of a hassle to deal with on their own. I can't even interact right with the ML I know IRL!! I could be something! Or nothing! god just let me die! Or let me live! I don't even know where I'm at! I'm being dramatic.

I may not even want to go. Does that even matter? I'm more scared of being a worthless chump, with no special skills people may want, or no way to truly contribute. I want to be useful, but I'm so fucking scared! I feel like I'm ripping apart my own mind! I can't fucking sleep anymore! I can't even work on assignments correctly!

AND I ACCIDENTALLY SUBMITTED MY HALF FINISHED APPLICATION :kitty-cri-screm:

Im so fucked

  • Boo_Boo [none/use name]
    ·
    2 years ago

    Finally, regardless of whether talking to your parents is an option, you should consider talking to a therapist. They’ll be a neutral third party that it’s safe to share with, to talk to about things you wouldn’t want to tell anyone in your life right now. And they’re usually very good at helping with anxiety and depression and panic attacks, which I’m guessing are similar to what you’re trying to handle right now.

    I used to have one

    Then we ran out of money :cri:

    Thank you comrades for the support! It helps to have like-minded people around.

    • CheGueBeara [he/him]
      ·
      2 years ago

      That sucks, comrade. That shit should really be free.

      Here's something kind of ironic: most universities will offer free therapy to undergraduates.

      • Boo_Boo [none/use name]
        ·
        2 years ago

        Here’s something kind of ironic: most universities will offer free therapy to undergraduates.

        well isn't that funny! I'll look into it. See if my college has it.