Throw away account lmao, I just get a huge amount of anxiety and dread every time the subject is even broached. Going to college is the end of it all, the true beginning of being tossed into the American world of exploitation and privatized idiocy. Am I just being childish? I need to do this, I kind of want to do this, but I need to make something of myself. I just keep running into a wall and going :cri:, freezing until I put it off in some way.

I'm slacking in my work, and my theory as well, senioritis is hitting hard, and it isn't even the end of the fucking year! I keep missing fucking assignments, and I know they are there, that I need to do them, I just put them off and read something else. I'm royally fucked. In the head.

Like, am I even going to be alive long enough for this devotion to college to be useful? Will I even learn anything worthwhile other than overall demeaning social experiences with american liberals who are already enough of a hassle to deal with on their own. I can't even interact right with the ML I know IRL!! I could be something! Or nothing! god just let me die! Or let me live! I don't even know where I'm at! I'm being dramatic.

I may not even want to go. Does that even matter? I'm more scared of being a worthless chump, with no special skills people may want, or no way to truly contribute. I want to be useful, but I'm so fucking scared! I feel like I'm ripping apart my own mind! I can't fucking sleep anymore! I can't even work on assignments correctly!

AND I ACCIDENTALLY SUBMITTED MY HALF FINISHED APPLICATION :kitty-cri-screm:

Im so fucked

  • InternetLefty [he/him]
    ·
    2 years ago

    After a disappointing high school experience, college was the best time of my life. Yeah, there are a ton of rich liberals. But unless you already live in a big city college is one of the only places where you will find like minded left people of all varieties and have discussions and organize with them.

    My advice to you? Take a deep breath, go for a walk, and then finish your applications. Figuring out "what you want to do" is a lifelong process that you never really finish, the goal is just to get closer and closer and closer as time goes on. Deciding NOT to do things has lead me to the biggest sources of my personal regret.

    Addendum: you will not always feel okay, but that does not mean you are not or will not be "okay". Even if the world implodes, bombs go off everywhere, etc etc guess what? You'll still have to go to school, go to work, raise your kids, water your garden, call your grandma, all that stuff. Don't plan for tragedy by using it as an excuse to languish!!!