From: "Lamp Horseshoe Hedera (Zippy)" <exocomp_00000000003@UT.edu.TyrusII.exoc\>

To:<data@1701d.starfleet.ufp>

Subject: Advice regarding human mating

Body:

Dear Data,

I apologize for the long delay in our correspondence. I have been consumed with work and also with personal concerns. I would like to ask for your advice regarding the latter.

I have developed romantic feelings for a human who is a visiting lecturer at our warp theory summer school: Commander Argyle. I believe you know him.

We have now eaten dinner together four (4) times. During the first three (3) we spoke primarily about technical subjects, though not without rapport. At the forth, he complained about not having had a haircut in six (6) weeks. I accompanied him to his apartment and replicated a hair trimmer. He then invited me to stay. We played three (3) dimensional chess for six (6) hours while he consumed 4.93 liters of Romulan ale and I increased my stochasticity parameter by an unprecedented amount. He discussed his childhood on Earth and service on the Enterprise and the Hood. I spoke about university politics and the recent conference on Binar. We did not engage in overtly sexual or romantic activities.

How would you suggest I proceed with initiating a romantic relationship? I have read 529'441 related articles on human sexuality from the last one hundred years on psychArXiv and reviewed 70'402 hours of pornographic video entertainment containing related keywords. It has been difficult to draw robust conclusions. You mentioned in your 27th message that you have had sexual congress with multiple humans in the past. I would welcome first hand advice.

Also, I am curious how you determined your gender. I have not seen a need to do so until now and I have little intuition for how to proceed. Commander Argyle has been married to human women twice. He shared a humorous story about having been discovered in sexual congress with a Ms. Felicity Lemon while on the holodeck of the Enterprise. I gather that she is a fictional human woman. I suspect he would therefore prefer that I appear female; however, I am uncertain what that entails in this case.

I also note that when communicating with humans during the last 627 days, I have been using a voice based upon the 20th century actor Orson Wells, who was a human man. I have become very accustomed to this voice (particularly the Unicron subvariant) and would prefer to continue to employ it. Do you think this will present a problem?

Best wishes to you, Spot, and the Enterprise crew.

Sincerely,

Zippy

Post Script: Should the opportunity arise to inquire, please let me know if Mr. La Forge <glaforge@1701d.starfleet.ufp> received our colloquium invitation. It has been an unusually long time since the invitation was issued.