I get the blackout part, I've played in numerous bands and can remember setting up for and breaking down live sets but can't recall any performances for the life of me, even ones I was sober enough to do so. Any time I've seen videos of sets I've played it's like other people do it. I don't fuck up or anything, I just enter a fugue state. Same happens for me with public speaking, I think doing school in French and doing a lot of presentations and stuff in a foreign language made me very relaxed when doing the same in English, cause if there's one thing I'm really confident with, it's the English language. I still feel like a bumbling doofus but once again, if I play a recording or whatever, I sound great, I'll be mad at myself for thinking of better ways to say stuff after, like how you only think of a good comeback hours after the insult, but as far as form goes it's fine. Ya might be better than you think