ive been nicotine free for over a month but today after work i mindlessly went to the smoke shop and picked up a disposable. as soon as i took a couple hits and got that buzz the self hatred and regret started flowing

i feel like shit and im afraid that ill never beat this. i feel so weak. i feel like i have to tell my gf i did this but i feel so ashamed to do that. she was really important in encouraging me to quit and shes been so proud of me, i feel like i let her down.

i dont know what im looking for posting this here, i just needed to air out my thoughts in a supportive place

  • SickleRick [he/him]
    ·
    2 years ago

    I cheated a couple of times when I quit. I had to use the nicotine lozenges because I couldn't do it without tapering. Even then, I cheated a couple of times.

    But, it's been seven years since I really quit. Haven't had the desire for a long time. After the first few months, the smell of stale smoke on other people smelled gross instead of tempting. These days, nicotine is just a nuisance. I smell it and it's just kinda gross, like it was before I started.

    Everyone who quits relapses a couple of times, beats themselves up, and thinks they'll never make it until they finally do. I was smoking 1-2 packs of cigarettes a day for 10 years and generally have very little self control, and I could do it. Comrade, you can do this, you just have to keep trying and you'll get there.

    EDIT: I read the Carr book. A lot of it was garbage, but it did help me flip the switch in my head from "Nicotine relieves stress" to "Nicotine withdrawal is what's causing the stress I feel, and using just temporarily relieves it."